Can a horse be ridden to death
An ancient wisdom of the Dakota Indians says:
"If you discover that you are riding a dead horse, dismount."
This attitude is characterized by resignation and passivity and therefore not a role model for us. Well, what do the Sioux understand about horses?
We are further there. As highly qualified management personnel in municipal administration, we have developed numerous success-oriented strategies and target-oriented methods for such situations:
- We say: "That's how we always rode the horse."
- We instruct the rider to remain seated until the horse gets up again.
- We promise the rider a promotion.
- We arrange overtime for rider and horse.
- We conclude a target agreement with the rider about riding dead horses.
- We give the rider a performance bonus to increase his motivation.
- We send the rider to a training seminar so that he can learn to ride better.
- We organize regular team meetings with an external supervisor to improve communication between rider and dead horse.
- Employees who point out that the horse is dead are denounced as suspect and are registered for motivational seminars on "positive thinking in administration". (Suggestion by Andrea Hofer)
- We practice "Lean Horse Management", i.e. we carry out training courses with the rider in order to free the dead horse from excess pounds with the help of an optimized diet. (Suggestion by Thomas Brinkmann)
- We propose to the staff council to introduce performance incentives for dead horses.
- We explain to the horse that its behavior could lead to the privatization of public services.
- We are outsourcing the stable for dead horses in order to save feed costs. (Suggestion by "asterio")
- We implement the rider and advertise the position internally.
- We are advertising the position of the rider of the dead horse nationwide after no qualified applicant has been found from our own company.
- We'll get a bigger whip.
- We are doubling the feed ration for the horse.
- We change the horse supplier.
- We change the feed supplier.
- We change the straw in the stable.
- We are having the stable renovated.
- We conclude a service agreement with the staff council on the use of dead horses in the administration.
- We set up an inter-agency working group to analyze the dead horse.
- We visit other administrations to see how to ride horses there.
- We find that the others are also trying to ride dead horses and declare this to be normal.
- We join an intermunicipal comparison ring in order to optimize the dead horse according to the best practice idea.
- We bring the product and financial responsibility of the dead horse to cover within the budget.
- We are starting an internal competition for ideas about riding dead horses.
- We appoint an administrative employee to be the representative for the dead horse system.
- We commission a well-known consulting firm to provide an expert opinion on whether there are cheaper and better performing dead horses.
- The report states that the dead horse does not need any feed and recommends only using dead horses.
- A supplementary report shows that the performance of the dead horse is about twice as high as the work performance of an average civil servant and recommends that the horse be made civil servants. ("Huh ???")
- We are raising the quality standards for riding dead horses.
- We have the dead horse certified according to DIN EN ISO 9001.
- We are forming a task force to revive the dead horse.
- We make comparisons of different dead horses.
- We're changing the criteria that tell whether a horse is dead.
- To increase efficiency, we submit an application for funding to the federal government and publicly advertise an upgrade "Dead Horse 2.0". (Thomas Dieckmann)
- We harness several dead horses together so that they can go faster together.
- We declare: "No horse can be so dead that it cannot be motivated."
- We are applying for EU funding from the Agricultural Fund for Horsekeeping.
- Alternatively, we suggest calling the dead horse to Brussels as EU Commissioner.
- We explain: "If you can't ride the dead horse, at least it can pull a carriage".
- We form a quality circle to find a use for dead horses.
- We are revising the instructions for riding horses.
- We set up an independent cost center for dead horses.
- We would like to point out that in the context of the new municipal financial management, the dead horse is to be assessed as movable fixed assets.
- We define our own product "Riding Dead Horses".
- We create a Power Point presentation to show what the horse could do if it weren't dead.
- We are forming a new subject area within the administration with the integration of all dead horses in order to use synergy effects.
- We are considering founding a communal GmbH for dead horses after the establishment of an optimized management company or an in-house company did not bring any success.
- We are looking for a financially strong partner from the private industry and are setting up a public-private partnership project together with their dead horses.
- We exchange the dead horse for another dead horse that runs faster according to the product description.
- We exchange the dead horse for a dead cow.
- We shoot all live horses to increase the chances of our dead horse. (Suggestion Thomas Vogler)
- As part of an international species protection agreement, all partners undertake to prevent dead horses from going extinct. (Suggestion Heath Stan)
- After hearing the staff council, we terminate the horse without notice, as it is a clear case of refusal to work.
- We are suing the horse under civil law for damages due to failure to provide a guaranteed service.
- We are setting up a crowdfunding project so that others can also get the chance to ride a dead horse. (Thomas Dieckmann 2018)
- We have "Dead Horse" patented and trademarked so that we can ask copycats to pay for it. (Thomas Dieckmann 2018)
- We use the Helmut Kohl strategy: we sit down and wait sixteen years to see whether the horse just pretends to be dead.
- We use the Gerhard Schröder strategy: We strap the dead horse into a lighter saddle so that it has the chance to recover on its own.
- We use one of the two Angela Merkel strategies:
a) Everyone can cheerfully make contradicting suggestions and in the end it is the coalition partner's fault if the horse does not move.
b) First demand that a common solution must be found, then present the dead horse as having no alternative and then express trust in it (Holger Emden).
- We declare that a dead horse was our goal from the start.
- We claim that the dead horse was procured from its predecessors. (Thomas Dieckmann 2018)
- We put the dead horse in someone else's stable and declare that it is his.
- We deny ever having owned a horse.
P.S .: A widespread guiding principle in practice is:
"If you find yourself riding a dead horse, make sure you have a comfortable saddle - it could be a long ride!"
(Frank Menzel 2008)
Author of the original idea: unknown. Suggestion: various websites and mails. Present version: by me.
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