What was your most important relationship hour

Kisses love awake

Goal in life: happy partnership

The authors present their methods of »creative dialogue«, which is suitable for couples,
- who are fundamentally balanced with each other, but do not want to jeopardize their relationship even in grueling everyday life,
- looking for solutions to your problems,
- want to be closer to each other.

The »creative dialogue« can be used by couples on their own or integrated into couples therapy.

The defining elements of the »creative dialogue« form of conversation are:
- basically meet at eye level,
- use your head and gut feeling for the relationship,
- benefit from different points of view.

The enclosed DVD makes the playful form of communication even clearer. Let your partnership inspire you!

Target group: Couples who want to make more out of a routine relationship, long for greater intensity or want to resolve conflicts.

Table of Contents
Part I kisses love awake!

1. Enjoy closeness with relish and develop together further 12
1.1 How you can use the book 14
1.2 How the book was made 15
1.3 Who you are dealing with 15
1.4 Thanks 16

2. The phenomenon of love relationships: Do you remember when we really wanted each other? 18th
2.1 How was it for you, even before the first contact? 20th
2.2 Decision for a loving everyday life 22
2.3. A special variety of intimacy 23

3. Use your gut feeling 23

3.1 Experiment with your gut feeling! 24

4. The creative dialogue 27
4.1 How do you proceed? 28
4.2 I feel valued by you! Steffi and Jonas 30

5. The crealog with oneself 38
5.1 How are you - thank you, good! 38
5.2 "Time and space with yourself" - how do you do that in your everyday life? 39
5.3 Krealog with oneself 39
5.4 Guide: Krealog with yourself 41
5.5 The guideline: Blitz-Krealog: When things have to go fast 44

6. The Couple Krealog - an everyday date 46
6.1 Couple Krealog for beginners with Eva and Adam 46
6.2 The guideline: short version of Couplesrealog for beginners 49
6.3 Instructions for use for the Paar-Krealog (The »Original«) 51
6.4 Guide: Paar-Krealog in the original version 66
6.5 Pair-Krealog guide: luxury version 73

7. Stumbling Blocks and How to Move Them Aside 89
7.1 If there is confusion about how the Krealog works 90
7.2 We cannot agree who will start 90
7.3 A dispute between us - how do we deal with it? 91
7.4 What to do when strong feelings arise? 92
7.5 What to do if there are no feelings? 93
7.6 What to do if nothing happens in step 3, "Do magic with intuition"? 94
7.7 If someone talks too much 95
7.8 If you feel very strained 96
7.9 What to do if we continue to argue despite the help in the chapter "Stumbling blocks" and cannot come to an agreement? 96

Part II The exciting world of couples

8. Stormy times in the relationship: Or: argue while you still understand each other 98
8.1 We can all learn something new when it comes to arguing 99
8.2 My most intimate partner - my bitterest opponent 101
8.3 Barren quarrels have various degrees of severity 104
8.4 Recognizing needs, learning to argue 107
8.5 The good distance - the coherent closeness 110

9. Couple Sex - Do You Feel Sexy? 115
9.1 Sexual listlessness 116
9.2. Sexual Development History - A Little Exercise 118
9.3 Love - desire - sexuality - intimacy 122
9.4 Desire: the great secret 123
9.5 The love location 123
9.6 Differences 124
9.7 What is the effect of lively sexuality? 125

10. Creator of a world of his own 125
10.1 Un complemento de la diferencia 125
10.2 Couples challenge and encourage each other 126
10.3 Couples create a point of reference in infinity 128
10.4 Couples develop in physical coexistence 129
10.5 Couples create the future 131
10.6 New decision instead of divorce 132
10.7 Couples can deal with social change actively and in solidarity
133
10.8 Couples can network, seek support 134
10.9 The Krealog as an aid to personal and common development 135
10.10 Couples have a sense of relationship 137

11. Decision for a loving everyday life 138
11.1 slowing down 138
11.2 Arriving at yourself 140
11.3 Finding loving support in the relationship 142

12. Getting to the bottom of things: What is a relationship? 143
12.1 The inner relationship: "I to myself" 144
12.2 The I-You Relationship: "YOU" 146
12.3 "We": intuition in the relationship 149 Relationship is a spatial experience 149 The relationship soup (everything that defines us) 150 Change through effective ingredients 154 Shared experience; Reviews; Meanings 157

Part III Why does the Krealog work?

13. Everything plays into one another: the systemic view 162
13.1 People relate to one another 165
13.2 The peculiarity of couple relationships 166
13.3 What moves you does not remain without effect on me 166
13.4 Emphasis on resources, not deficits 167
13.5 The Krealog uses the circularity of the couple conversation
169
13.6 Fair distribution of roles and regulation of the hierarchy
170

14. The Wisdom of Our Body: Focusing 171
14.1 What is Focusing? 174
14.2 The heart of the Krealog relies on the change process of "lingering" 174
14.3 What is a felt sense? 176
14.4 Prerequisite for this silver bullet: FreiRaum 178
14.5 Relationship to oneself in couple work 179

15. Contact to the authors 181

16. Download the various guides 183

17. Further reading 184


Reading sample
Part 1

Kiss love awake!

1. Enjoy closeness with relish and develop yourself further together

Anyone who enters into a relationship today knows about the adventure. The safe haven of lifelong marriage, with its advantages and disadvantages, no longer exists in our western world. For most people, however, a happy partnership remains the most important goal in life.

Once you have found your partner - and that is a challenge in itself - shaping the relationship is a new, essential task. Many decisions have to be made. The partners ask themselves: do we live separately or together? Who pays what? Which friends are invited? How often do we see each other? How do we spend our vacation? Ultimately, couples begin a quest: How do we deal with our differences? How do we stay happy together, how do we stay lovers?

"The art of living as a couple" is the title of a well-known advisor, and it really is an art when a partnership succeeds! After all, half of the marriages persist, but many couples are frustrated and cannot get out of their ongoing crisis. Therapists know: Couples have little support, they need a social lobby. People who are unhappy in their relationship can get sick and are also less productive.

With this book and its practical application in creative dialogue, which we will also briefly call »Krealog«, we want to support couples to understand each other better, to communicate more pleasurably, to enjoy closeness and to develop together.

»Kiss love awake!« By that we mean: it really works! It can be fun and you are invited to do it!

"You have to talk," said Michael, a client of my practice. “I spoke too late and then it was over. I felt something was wrong. But I didn't dare to speak up. Now I've said that to my work colleague, he is also in a crisis. But he wants to try to talk. "

Or Andrea:

8 “I can't talk about myself and my feelings. I take care of the others, but nobody finds out how I'm doing. I often don't even know how I'm doing myself. The others say I have a bad mood. I keep everything to myself, and that creates a wall between me and my partner. "

We all know that staying in conversation or coming back into conversation is the basis of a successful partnership. The Krealog will help you with this.

A couple reports:

8 “We understood the Krealog immediately. Until then, it wasn't easy for us to deal with the feelings. But after many weeks of discussions, we finally achieved a breakthrough with the Krealog, we are again in dialogue with each other, again in contact. Thanks for this good idea. "

"Kiss love awake!" Picks you up in the world of couples with the question: What is it actually, the phenomenon of relationship? You are invited to build on good feelings of a relationship: "Do you remember when we really wanted each other?" And to get to know and reactivate your gut feeling, your intuition, to cope with challenges as a couple.

So we lead you to the Krealog, the creative dialogue that helps you to use your differences creatively in a very practical way. In doing this krealog you strengthen and deepen your couple relationship in a mindful way. You can first try out the Krealog for yourself (The Krealog with yourself, see p. 38) or turn to the Couple Krealog. We have enclosed a DVD for you as a visual aid. There are some stumbling blocks here and there on an expedition, more on this can be found in Chapter 7.

»Kiss love awake!« Navigates you in the second part of the book through the depths of the couple's life. What happens in stormy times? Couple sexuality, what else? Where and how are couples creators of their reality? Can you opt for a loving everyday life?

And "kiss love awake!" Gets to the bottom of things: How does it go with the I, you and us? How do couples cook their "relationship soup" every day and how can they refine it?

In the third part we answer the question: Why does the Krealog work? The creative dialogue is explained and explained from the professional perspectives of focusing and systemic couple and family therapy. By no means only for experts, but for everyone who takes the risk of being experts in their personal and couple life.

1.1 How you can use the book

The book is written by a couple for love couples, for woman - man, man - woman, woman - woman, man - man. Couples need support, which we want to give with this book!

The Krealog is also suitable as process support for professional and friendly relationships. Because in these areas, too, it is important to be in good contact with one another.

The book is intended as a stimulus for experimentation; it should enable you to experience everything related to your relationship. Perhaps you will read it like the old reader, a story, an experiment and then put it aside again. Divide the book into agreeable bites and put together your own menu. You are free to read the book as you like. You can scroll to the Krealog and experiment, pick out individual chapters or stick to the structure we have suggested.

You are responsible for results, for what you find and implement for yourself. The authors are not liable for the effects and side effects of the book.

1.2 How the book came about

In a way, this book is a vacation book. It was created on Isola del Gilio, a picturesque island in the Mediterranean near Grosseto, then also in the Swiss mountains, on Lake Maggiore and especially during our three-month break on the picture-perfect beaches and towering mountains of Peru.

Our motto, »Write on holiday«, has accompanied us over the past three years and has opened up many valuable encounters with ourselves, other countries and fantastic people. Perhaps a little pinch of these nourishing and stimulating experiences waft around you every now and then as you read.

1.3 Who you are dealing with

We work with our different focuses in a group practice with individuals, couples, families, training and supervision groups as therapists, coaches and seminar leaders. Silvia Bickel-Renn and her colleague Sylvia Betscher-Ott head the "Würzburg Institute for Systemic Thinking and Action (WISH)". Klaus Renn and his colleague Dr. Johannes Wiltschko founded the German Training Institute for Focusing and Focusing Therapy (DAF). We are both teaching and training therapists in these different psychotherapeutic schools.

The family phase is just behind us, our two adult children are leaving our nest and moving to other cities to study. In a sense, we find a new way of life, similar to the way we did before the children. This book is also the beginning of our new phase of life. We really enjoyed writing, especially in wonderful places. Our similarities and our differences have been incorporated here. We used the opportunity to question ourselves personally and professionally, to argue and to understand each other again. Feedback on each other's written text proved to be particularly challenging. Misunderstandings and grievances quickly arose between us. We spelled out the old insight that relationship takes precedence over factual issues. Without clarifying the "relationship aspect" and finding ourselves again as actually benevolent partners, it was impossible to continue working. We reflected on many experiences and phases of our long-term relationship. The Krealog was a great tool for us, and the book often wrote itself in the process. Our joy in us in all its diversity and our love for one another strengthened and nourished the writing - and we hope that you, the reader, will enjoy this joy also feel for yourself and your relationship.

1.4 Thanks

We thank the friends and colleagues with whom we feel and know we are connected. Above all, we would like to thank our two co-institute directors and companions Sylvia Betscher-Ott and Dr. Johannes Wiltschko. Many individual people and couples have given us an insight into their lives in seminars and therapeutic sessions. Your trust is probably the greatest gift that made it possible for us to think about internal and external processes of change, to build concepts and to formulate them in a preliminary way. The questions from colleagues in the various training groups kept opening up new areas of the not-yet-known and challenged us to put into words what we had previously understood.

We would especially like to thank those who have taken a concrete part in this book:

Dipl.-Psych. Stefanie Frahsek and Dipl.-Psych. Thomas Wagner dared to have their Krealog process filmed for the accompanying DVD. The day with you was a lot of fun, and we are glad to have received this "illustrative material" from you.

Dipl.-Psych. Tony Hofmann, time and again you have given us precise feedback on our entire manuscript.

Dipl.-Psych. Markus Haselmann, despite building a house and having a baby, you took your time.

Dipl.-Theol. Dipl.Päd. Renate Oethker-Funk, co-editor of »Blickpunkt« 1, your interest and your feedback have motivated us.

Dipl.-Psych. Susanne Kersig, author of "Relaxed and Clear Finding Freedom" 2 and mindfulness expert, you proofread with great dedication and gave us lots of impetus and ideas.

Judith Mark, freelance editor, you encouraged us to write this book and accompanied us in the beginning.

Marc Schmuziger, lic. phil. Psychotherapist, above all you revised the last chapter and gave us the basic idea for the title of the book.

Dipl.-Psych. Monika Fell-Hagen and Dr. Stephan Hagen, as a close couple of friends you have been with us for the past 30 years.

Prof. Dr. Gene Gendlin had an in-depth personal and philosophical conversation about relationships with us in New York. Gene, you gave us an insight into your way of experiencing relationships and lifting them into linguistic concepts. You encouraged us to formulate our own relationship reality.

1 specialist journal for marriage, family and life counseling, see »further reading«

2 To be found under »Further reading«

1. Enjoy closeness with relish and develop yourself further together

2. The phenomenon of love relationships

Do you remember when we really wanted each other?
With one person you feel mainly free, happy, light, erotic ... with the other, on the other hand, you feel heavy, tired, depressed and possibly even bored. Feelings, body sensations and moods that you experience in the presence of a certain person create in you sympathy or antipathy, attractiveness and meaning, which he / she "carries" for you.If one believes the neurobiologists who research "falling in love", the first three seconds during a new encounter decide which body reactions the two of them will experience, and thus about the further relationship with this person. If your partnership happened through "falling in love" (there are just as sober / sensible beginnings), you will remember: You were excited, your heart was beating up to your neck, your voice failed in the presence of the desired partner, you were not hungry, and the nightly sleep did not want to set in either, instead you were floating in fantasies and dreams. A certain excitement and inner restlessness had seized you, which made you long and desire. Only this woman, only this man seemed to be the sole cure for these conditions. Yes, even the panacea for all happiness in your own life. With her, with him everything is good, there is happiness, there is fulfillment and existential arrival. Everything that one encounters while being in love with the world appears in a new liveliness and meaning, every moment becomes a revelation, a present of the present. The experience: someone is interested in me - someone wants me - opens the energetic fireworks in the chest and stomach. These emotional turbulences from neurobiological scientific research can now be described quite well in a less romantic way. Our body brews a high-dose hormonal love cocktail when we are in love. Neither a teenager nor an old man can evade the messengers of love contained therein. A blood test reveals the ingredients of the love cocktail, which are: Phenylenethlamine - responsible for hallucinogenic states; Dopamine - responsible for a euphoric, comforting, satisfied feeling, also has an appetite-suppressing effect; Serotonin - responsible for feelings of happiness; Adrenaline - responsible for tingling high tension; Neutrophin and certainly many more. Of course there is also biological knowledge about the duration of this extraordinary state of consciousness (approx. 3 months). Our previous sanity is clearly restricted in this "natural high" and releases creativity and strength to get out of previous habits and life patterns, to do crazy things and to dare a new life plan with the beloved.

The beginning of the relationship that is in love illustrates in its intensity the felt and physical, the sensual dimension of our experience: we imagine, hear, think, feel, taste and smell him / her. Out of these delicious sensations arise, as if by themselves, smaller and larger actions such as: giving gifts and small gifts, planning trips, exchanging lifelong dreams - without noticing it, losing a few kilograms and being under the grace of a pink cloud.

Now I would like to encourage you to look for the beginning of your relationship and the "taste" of your infatuation and to remember it. If it now suits you, then reach into your inner video library immediately and dig out the first memories, the first films of your relationship - and let off the picture and sound.

2. The phenomenon of love relationships

2.1 How was it for you, even before the first contact?

Exercise:

How was it with you, even before the first physical contact? The first, conscious encounter - the first (longing) eye contact, the first words? What are your first actions to get in touch? ... Then later: "Somebody wants me!" - what effect did that have on you? How did you experience the tension? ... What were your craziest actions back then, that you yourself or that you did together? Take just a little time to remember ... so now you can intensify the memories and feelings from back then, the exciting, the special. "There is a magic inherent in every beginning". You are now invited to linger for a few minutes in your own initial relationship magic and savor it, let memories come, watch, feel, hear and smell little stories and situation films ... Give yourself time to let your beginnings pass you by in all happiness and pain, in all longing and ... and to taste it. What, what kind of things about your partner made you so ecstatic? - Or: what exactly was your "kick"? I would like to encourage you to stay with these feelings and images and to feel your present feelings.

Well, and maybe later with your partner you like to let the magic of the beginning of your relationship arise again ... »you remember, I said ... did you ... did we ... did ... said ... «

While you are just remembering and reliving your initial spell, you could connect inwardly to the feeling of being in a relationship with your partner today. Switch from "then" to "now" in your relationship. Back then it was like this: ... take these sensations, desires, longings and feelings and "go" with them to everyday life with your partner ... What is changing? ... Which spontaneous impulses arise in your relationship now?

A reliving, a revival, is usually refreshing and can encourage you to stage something new (the old spirit of the beginning) in relation to your partner in today's everyday life. With this question, Rolf, for example, remembered a loving word from the first hours of the relationship and tried it out (with a lot of "success"). Eva pulled out a certain photo, at the "right" moment she gave it to him ...

In couples therapy, the vision and the intensity of the first time in love are often used to make the couple's own strength and inspiration accessible again. In this way, current alienation and conflicts can be changed over the "fire of yesteryear". This resulted in a beautiful intervention that I would be happy to recommend to you: the "As if experiment".

Exercise:

Make an appointment with your partner outside of your own home. Arrange a common meeting point in a pub, pub or a special place. Everyone comes to the meeting place independently. In the “as if experiment” the task of both partners is to adjust internally and externally, to prepare, to act and behave as if one were freshly in love. Assume that the "love cocktail" just came over you in the middle of your day-to-day relationship. Believe in your acting skills! Play this "as if" game and be curious to see what happens.

You will find the further journey with the “phenomenon of love relationships” in Chapter 12. It will give you the opportunity to experiment with the “I” to “you” and then to “we”.

2. The phenomenon of love relationships

2.2 decision for a loving everyday life

Not only the major biographical events, such as the birth of a child, external relationships ... or the loss of a loved one, are attacks on an easy, carefree and fulfilling life for two. The arduous and grueling everyday life with its exhausting demands is the number one relationship killer. Well, who or what is to blame that driven »suffering from stress« has become normal and hectic multitasking appears to be the qualification of our time? We know that the burdens are not evenly distributed in our society. So some have no work, others too much. Both can be extremely stressful. Obviously we can hardly escape the stress. We have become so used to it that we continue this unhealthy lifestyle as leisure stress.

What do you have to "do" in your free time? Life and thus also the couple life appears to be determined by others. The media and advertising suggest what should be done: For example, between the demanding work and the sport in the evening, sex with the partner is still okay!

We know that most types of stress make you sick, and yet we cannot escape. There is no time for the essentials that are "actually" important to us. Time is a scarce commodity.

In the struggle to distribute wellbeing, the couples argue about the remaining time together: How much work is done, how much time is spent doing sports, who takes time for homework with the children, is television in the evening? And time for love? The tacit assumption is that it arises by itself; like at the beginning of a relationship, when the newly in love were in touch day and night. We know this is a self-delusion. Nevertheless, the longing for more lively time remains with the partner and people who are important to both of them. Couples can choose a part of their time and, in some ways, their lifestyle. We would like to encourage you to choose freedom, for yourself as a couple and for yourself. Taking time, listening to one another, understanding one another, doing something together is almost identical to a loving everyday life.

2.3 a special variety of intimacy

Good common habits, small rituals can help you to spend time together regularly. One ritual can be to do the krealog with one another. One of the two of you has an issue on your mind, it doesn't have to be a relationship issue. He or she asks the partner: "You, today I have something for the Krealog." And you are sending out a signal: "I want your attention and you are important to me. I show myself to you, I show something about myself and want your answer. «This is a special variety of intimacy.

3. Use your gut instinct

During a Krealog, you will be invited to use your intuition and listen to your gut instinct.

At first, this approach seems unusual. The conversation is about listening and talking! Do you remember what it was like when you met your partner? Physical signals, butterflies in the stomach, palpitations, a hot head, sweaty hands, showed that this person is something special. And we know that we usually choose a partner based on gut instinct and not after a sober assessment of advantages and disadvantages. The body is the main motivator when starting a relationship.

The gut feeling, now scientifically researched, has many names, such as B. Deep sensitivity, evolved brain, intelligence of the unconscious, felt sense, felt knowledge and intuition.

3. Use your gut instinct

Men and women alike have access to this phenomenon, let's call it intuition. Intuition is not just feminine or a matter of feeling. With our intuition, we have access to inner knowledge that has formed in the course of our evolution and our biography in the head and body as empirical knowledge. This is not about information like on a hard drive, but about a person's knowledge that is requested in a certain way, updated in the body and made available.

An example: You are going for a walk, suddenly a car is driving towards you in a curve. You jump to the side without even thinking about where to jump, how fast it should be, etc.

When you enter a room, you notice a certain mood. Without having any further information, you immediately get an idea of ​​what might be there.

You wake up in the morning and a decision has been made, you haven't thought about it at night, it's like an inspiration, suddenly everything is clear.

You get to know someone. In the first few seconds, sympathy may or may not arise even though you don't know anything about the person.

Inventors, creative scientists and successful stock market traders trust their intuition when making important decisions. And: This inner knowledge is above all a coherent body feeling.

In the Krealog you use your physical intuition, regardless of whether you are a narrator or a listener. You will be able to take new, creative steps for yourself and your partnership.

3.1 experiment with your gut feeling!

In order to be able to use physical intuition, certain requirements are required. The most effective access to this kind of inner knowledge, inner wisdom, felt knowledge or inner intuition is described in focusing. This is a psychological, body and mindfulness-oriented method. In the Krealog we use the action and conceptual knowledge of Focusing.

Exercise with the "gut feeling"

You are invited to turn your attention to yourself for a few minutes: focus your awareness on yourself and what is happening within you. Now take the first weekend that you spent with your partner on the subject. The exercise takes about 10 minutes.

Step 0: Prepare the requirements, we call this creating free space: Are you sitting comfortably? Now you could put your perception into your hands and fingers - what is touching your hand, how does this touch feel? Take a few moments to feel the surface and continue to notice what you are in physical contact with. Foot on the ground? Move? Perhaps it is even possible for you to feel the clothes on your skin? As you do so, you may notice your inner pace slowing down. You may feel the movement of your breath moving your chest from within. Hold on to it for 2 or 3 breaths. Now you might be wondering where it feels most comfortable, most comfortable in your body. This question is meant in a playful way, where is a place from head to toe where you like to linger with your attention. Just go "through yourself" - "where is it good to stay in the body"? Please stay here! Enjoy yourself, savor it - what is that special feeling in comfort? You are invited to take a deep breath and bring your attention to your body.

Step1: Subject:

You are now invited to remember the first weekend or vacation that you spent with your partner.

Step2: felt sense

As you remember, let the full diversity of this event arise. The tension before, then there: conversations, encounters, atmosphere, intimacy, the place, the food, the surroundings, ... let it all become a whole, also take with you what you no longer remember concretely, and also the aftertaste of this time together. ... please linger for half a minute with this whole thing ...

Do you keep your chest and abdominal attention, perhaps you notice a physical response to this whole experience?

Step 3: Do magic with your intuition

If this entire vacation experience had a headline, what would it be? Ask in the direction of your chest and stomach: "A headline?" and pause with this question ... what is created? Which words can be found together? ...

Or: You can also ask yourself how this experience could be expressed in a picture - "this whole thing about the weekend is like: ...., ..." - take your time ... - what comes up ?

If a headline has emerged, you could speak it inwardly again and, while listening to it, notice the meanings and feelings associated with it.

Or you look at the picture and let it sink in so that the feelings and meanings associated with the picture open up ...

Step 4: change step

Before we end this little experiment, you might ask yourself what has become more important to you in this experiment. What has now become clear to you about the whole story of the weekend / vacation? ...
Or what impulse is emerging right now towards your partner? ...

If you translate that impulse into a mini-act, what little act would you do? Out of this overall feeling ... not a step towards action that is so small that you can actually take it now in the next few minutes? - Let's go!

You may not have been able to follow this exercise. Leave it alone - sometimes it is just not possible to get "in". Just try it again - or have your partner read the exercise to you.
With this personal experience, you are well prepared for the next chapter. You will be able to understand and feel the essence of the Krealog more easily.

4. The creative dialogue

The Krealog is a creative dialogue, a connecting and stimulating way for couples to meet, to be close and to expand understanding for one another. This joint venture is suitable for every couple.

Do you want to deepen your relationship, outsmart everyday love killer, find solutions to problems, create more closeness and find fun and pleasure with each other? The Krealog will help you with this.

With a helpful structuring of the conversation, the Krealog gives you as a couple support and security when »trying things out«.
As relationship therapists, we are enthusiastic about the fresh and new experiences with the Krealog for our partners and how they enrich their lives. Our training participants and clients report that their conversations are pleasant, surprising and helpful in this way.

ÄÄ The Krealog has a playful side. You also need all the qualities you need to play, whether you play volleyball or cards, for the Krealog: curiosity, time, rules, the joy of discovery, ideas for action, scope and commitment. ÄÄ As a couple, you are in the fortunate position of not being alone. This means that you do not need to approach things and questions one-sidedly, you live together with a possible different "point of view":
You can have more life in twos: four eyes, different thoughts, many ideas, different sensations, you can complement each other, support each other, love each other, challenge each other. You can raise this "treasure trove" with the Krealog.

Differences in the partnership can easily lead to an argument. We can let our partner's being different restrict our lives and then blame them for it. Turn the effect of your togetherness around, do not restrict each other, make more of your options, let their differences work for you. With the Krealog you get a playful tool to use your relationship treasure and to win.

4.1 How do you proceed?

For the Krealog you only need your partner and a topic, pen and paper, nothing else. You can do anything on the topic. Here are some examples:
ÄÄ Perhaps you have something that moves you personally that you want to research, and you would like a good listener to be with you. Max would like to tell Petra about a difficult work colleague. But he doesn't just want to relieve himself, he also feels that there is more to this topic. He dreams z. B. at night from work. So he asks his wife to lend him her ear at the Krealog.

ÄÄ Or you have a topic with your partner that needs special attention.
Anne is jealous of one of Peter's sports friends. When she asks, he usually evades. She is insecure and wants a Krealog.

ÄÄ Or you as a couple like to talk to each other and want to deepen your relationship.
Jule and Ulli have a lot to talk about. They come from very different families with different cultural backgrounds. You notice that it is good when one of the two can talk in detail. Only then does one understand what is special about the other. They deepen their conversations with the Krealog.

ÄÄ Or, you are looking for support on how a conversation can be fair, because some couples suffer from an imbalance in their »speaking skills«.

Brief overview of the Krealog

Here for you in brief the essential components of the Krealog and the common thread of the procedure. A more detailed description can be found in Chapter 6.3: »Instructions for use for the Paarkrealog› the original ‹.

1. Components

ÄÄ The Krealog has two halves like a soccer game. Each partner is once a listener and once a speaker in each game. After half-time the roles are swapped, the speaker becomes the listener, the listener becomes the speaker and the speaker.

ÄÄ In each game only one person determines the topic, the other responds to it in his speaking time (the second half).

ÄÄ In a completely new game, at a different time, the subject of the other comes up. ÄÄ The listener moderates the conversation with the help of the guide, the speaker unfolds his topic.

2. The common thread ÄÄ At the beginning, the partners decide who can develop their topic today. ÄÄ The listener interviews, asks questions, takes notes and reads out his transcript. ÄÄ The speaker decides on a topic, has questions asked, looks for answers and gets them read out. ÄÄ The questions are asked using guidelines that you can find in Chapter 6. ÄÄ For a better understanding of the process, the enclosed DVD also helps.

ÄÄ In chapter 5 you get help on how you can do a krealog with yourself.
"Try it, it's worth it."
Oda Frantzen, Vital, August 2012

»Developing such skills requires, above all, the“ greatest possible honesty towards yourself ”. To develop this as a couple, Silvia Bickel-Renn and Klaus Renn guide with a very precise conversation pattern. A guide, examples and selected game scenes on the DVD help. "
Norbert Copray, Publik-Forum, December 16, 2011

»The book is for couples with a drowsy or threatened relationship. It shows how problems can be dealt with constructively in a creative dialogue. ... All in a refreshingly pragmatic way that has nothing of the authors' psychological arrogance. The psychotherapists act more like a good coach. "
Corinna Sheyn, lovecorinnasheyn.blogspot.com, October 5, 2011