What kind of relationship are you looking for
Choosing a partner: what should you look out for in order to find the right one?
Choosing the right partner is an issue that we all deal with at some point. Often one is quickly enthusiastic about the other person or notices that the chemistry is wrong here. But what exactly is important when choosing a partner? Which factors determine whether someone suits us or not?
Scientists and psychologists have been concerned with choosing a partner for some time. We have listed the most important findings for you here - and tips on what to look for when choosing a partner.
The choice of partner from a scientific point of view
Opposites attract? Not necessarily!
This adage is probably known to everyone, but it is less true when choosing the right partner. Researchers suggest that we find the potential partner's smell more appealing when the gene pool is different from our own. But that was it with the opposites.
People of the same kind stick together when choosing a partner
This is the saying, which is more likely to apply to choosing the right partner. Because a large number of studies indicate precisely this: common interests, values, morals or a similar social environment are crucial for the success of a partnership.
The sympathy research also came to this result: the more similarities we find with our counterpart, the more sympathetic we find them. This is what the American social psychologist Donn Byrne found out.
An overview of the most important factors when choosing a partner
1. The personality
A recent YouGov survey with 2000 respondents found that Germans the personality of the other person is most important when choosing a partner. This was stated by 56% of women and 51% of men. It is therefore extremely important to be “on the same wavelength” with your partner.
2. The appearance
Also the look is one for us when choosing a partner important characteristic. After all, it's the first thing you hear from a potential partner. This is where evolution plays a role: people who have even facial features are considered attractive in many cultures around the world.
That's because these types of facial features signal that the person is healthy and fertile - and the “healthier” the partner, the higher the chances of having healthy offspring.
3. Common interests
The similarity of interests also plays a big role in the choice of partner: because if you experience many different things together, create memories and they bond together. Of course, in a partnership it is also beneficial if you can spend your free time together without compromise.
4. The same social environment
Not just the common interests, but also the social environment is an important factor when choosing a partner. For example, morals and values are closely related to the social environment. If these harmonize, you will experience a more harmonious and conflict-free partnership.
5. The smell
The effect of pheromones on humans is controversial, but the expression "Being able to smell good" is still not by chance. For example, during ovulation, women find men with high testosterone levels more attractive. Various studies also indicate that we are olfactively attracted to people whose gene pool differs from ours.
6. Desire for children
This factor should by no means be disregarded when choosing a partner. Even if this is not an issue for the first dates, it is extremely important to clarify the ideas of family planning early on. After all, this is a decision for life.
Religion can also be a decisive factor in choosing a partner. Because she has a lot with that Attitude to life to do - and if this doesn't harmonize, the chances of success are slim.
How much do our parents influence the choice of partner?
Our parents influence our choice of the right partner more than many of us are likely to think or want to admit. Researchers have found that around 80% of people choose a partner who is similar to the parent of the opposite sex.
Accordingly, men are very likely to choose a partner who is similar to their mother and women are looking for a man who is very similar to their own father. Of course, various factors also play a role here: the attachment and relationship with the parents in childhood contributes to how much we look for partners who are similar to our parents.
3 reasons why we often pick the wrong one
1. We are drawn to someone who is not ready for a relationship
Many are familiar with this scenario: when our counterpart is showering us with attention, interest evaporates, even though such a type of person would probably be a much better fit for you. Because often you want what you can't get: you get to know someone who is emotionally unavailable and at best would be suitable for an affair.
But it is precisely in these people that you fall in love and hope for a relationship, although you are always disappointed.
2. Bad role models in childhood influence the choice of partner
The separation of parents or a toxic relationship between them that was experienced in childhood has a profound effect on us. In the first few years of life you learn a lot about relationships, and is shaped in terms of one's own relationship behavior.
This can manifest itself in one's own attachment problems, or in not being able to assess the other person well - and thus being disappointed again and again.
3. Wrong signals from your own expectations
Often you get to know someone and are blown away. One starts quickly Expectations according to your own ideas to have and will be disappointed. For example, if the date doesn't answer right away, you start to worry about what you did wrong yourself, that the other person hasn't called yet. This behavior can also contribute to simply not finding the right person.
3 tips to finally find the right one
1. Don't pretend
You have often been disappointed and are desperately looking for a suitable partner? Often times, this desperation leads us to pretend to be on dates. So it is very difficult to get to know someone the way you actually want to. So: Be yourself and stand by everything that defines it!
Tip: When dating, pay attention to the body language of the other person!
2. Before choosing a partner: Free yourself from any legacy problems
Would you like a new partner, but are in some way still entangled in an old relationship? This makes it very difficult to get to know your partner for life. Tip: If your mind is still on an old relationship, think about these points:
Why did this relationship fail? Why did I choose this partner in the past? What lessons can I learn from this so that something like this doesn't happen to me again? Make yourself clear about these things in order to be able to close with the old.
3. Make it clear what you want from your partner
This can become a list of sorts. Think about what is important to you in the future partner and make some kind of list with these things. Go over them again and again and cross out things that you could do without until only the really essential wishes remain.
Because when it comes to things like wanting to have children, compromises are very difficult to find. Now you can approach getting to know each other more confidently and say right at the beginning whether a future together would be possible.
What is important to women when choosing a partner?
As we mentioned earlier, a YouGov survey found that 56% of women have the personality is most important when choosing a partner. After that, however, the preferences separate: after the personality, women are above all humor (17% most important, 32% second most important) intelligence and same interests most importantly.
In general, when choosing a partner, women make sure that the man would be a suitable father, so are Loyalty, honesty or reliability important characteristics for a suitable partner in the long term.
These qualities are most important to men
Men also primarily pay attention to personality, but the second most important traits are the appearance of the partner. The partner's interests and humor are about the same - in third place. In contrast to the female gender, however, men do not pay so much attention to intelligence.
Conclusion for the partner choice
To find the perfect partner for a long-term partnership, it is important to pay attention to similarities. In addition, you should be sure yourself that you are 100% ready to get involved with a new partner.
You should also not make any compromises just because you are still wearing your rose-tinted glasses: because once you are in love for the first time, different interests or ideas in family planning will put the partnership to the test.
The most important thing is to always be true to yourself. So sooner or later the right one will come by itself!
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