Do men really need space in a relationship?

What men want: 6 things a relationship needs


We're not that different ...

Men want sex, women want to talk about their feelings? Are you kidding me? Are you serious when you say that! Why men and women don't tick so differently in relationships, which role clichés are still true and what men really want in a partnership.

We're not that different. At least not when it comes to the needs of men and women in a love relationship, says Dieter Schmutzer: “The stereotypical role of the busy man may be partly true, but in the long run it would be incredibly exhausting.” And relationships then certainly went wrong. Incidentally, this can also happen when the right relationship between give and take is not right.

What do men want instead? The Viennese life and social counselor thinks something similar to what women want: persistence, appreciation and sexual attraction that outlasts the phase of being in love. Because masculinity, loyalty and love are of course not mutually exclusive in a relationship.

Consistency & freedom: 6 things men want

  1. A feeling of security

    Both sexes, regardless of whether they have a vagina or a penis, want a certain degree of stability in a relationship. Even if men sometimes still see themselves as hunters and like to be active: The need for stability and security is also a very great one for them. Life coach Schmutzer knows: Above all, this includes the security of being allowed to be who you are and being loved for it.

    Men as well as women usually want a partnership with someone with whom they can openly exchange ideas and share commonalities.

  1. Desire and Sexual Attraction

    What men always want: sex? “Always” is not true, says Schmutzer, but sex is still important to men in a relationship. Especially when the first phase of being in love and the desire gradually subside. Then it is a matter of both partners: take conscious countermeasures in the event of a lull in bed.

    Because feeling sexually attracted to your partner, feeling good in your own body and having lust for one another is an important component in a happy relationship for many men. After all, closeness, cuddling together and sensual moments also ensure that we feel connected to our partner.

  2. Loyalty - emotionally and sexually

    Believe it or not, loyalty is very important to most men. According to Dieter Schmutzer, they are often more difficult than women to deal with when the loved one is cheating on them. Why? This is often due to the gender stereotype that men are more likely to separate sex and love than women.

    Whether the two sexes are really so different here is debatable. But: As a rule, women can endure infidelities better than men, because men are more likely to think that the woman is also emotionally involved.

  3. To be perceived as a man

    It sounds like a cliché, but: In a relationship, men want to be perceived in their role as a man. But that has less to do with the role model of the head of the family, knows Dieter Schmutzer. Rather: Men want to remain interesting for their partner as a man.

    But it always has something to do with appreciation: This includes, for example, not making fun of alleged weaknesses of the partner.

  4. A partner who knows what she wants

    Masculinity or not: What many men want is a woman who can clearly say what she wants. So to lead an equal partnership in which one accepts and appreciates the differences of the other.

    This also means: an understanding man can sometimes hit the table and a self-determined woman can show weaknesses.

  5. Allow each other space

    Having a good relationship also means giving each other freedom. According to Dieter Schmutzer, men can often articulate this claim even better because it is a need that has always been socially defined as male.

    Getting along well with your partner, but at the same time being independent and doing your own thing, is not a contradiction in terms. On the contrary: it shows that you trust each other.

Dieter Schmutzer is a life and social counselor in Vienna. He supports people in finding solutions to conflicts and problems. In 2005 he founded the Institute for Lifestyle.