How do you deal with depression after the breakup

Depression after a breakup

Depression- the No. 1 widespread disease in the world. Approximately 350 million people suffer from it worldwide. Especially after a breakup, the risk of depression is extremely high.

A separation represents a significant cut in the previous life, because the person who was loved up to that point is suddenly no longer there. Feelings of solitude and loneliness come over you and you feel like the loneliest person in the world.

This sometimes goes far beyond the "normal" lovesickness and the grief over the loss can develop into full blown depression very quickly.

Here in this article we want to show you ways how you can deal with your feelings properly after a breakup and see and perceive the positive in life again. Here you will learn in 6 steps how you can avoid falling into depression after a breakup.


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Why do so many people experience depression after a breakup?

Depression can arise for a variety of reasons. A breakup can be one of them. However, hereditary predisposition can also be a trigger for depression.

If you are already burdened by your relatives, or by other traumatic events, a breakup can bring the barrel to overflow for you and plunge you into a depressive episode.

Once this has manifested itself, usually only drug treatment in combination with therapy by a psychologist or psychotherapist helps.

Depression after a breakup can always arise when past losses have not been dealt with and are still latently scratching the surface.

Also, melancholy people with low self-esteem can very often slide into depression after a breakup. If these people are also equipped with a “Mother Teresa gene” and are characterized as being particularly correct, the risk of developing depression is very high here.

It is mostly women who ultimately develop depression much more often, but men show a higher risk of developing it after a breakup.

On the one hand, one reason is that men are less likely to reveal themselves to other people after a breakup than women. Women talk about their worries and frustration with their friends from their souls - men, on the other hand, prefer to eat everything into themselves and deal with their problems with themselves.

It has also proven to be beneficial for the development of depression if you have few friends or if you bury yourself at home.

Alcohol consumption and substance abuse also promote the development of depression. But no job or the wrong job can also be a central factor here.

Reading Tip: Leaving will process the best tips.

What are the “healthy” and “unhealthy” symptoms of a breakup?

It is quite normal for you to be sad and hurt, maybe even disappointed, after a breakup. This is not a bad thing and everyone has experienced this before.

You are also welcome to live out this grief and show that it does not show weakness (“An Indian knows no pain”), but rather makes it clear to those around you that you are a strong person who can also confess to their feelings.

Healthy symptoms after a breakup

But if you have the feeling that your grief is getting stronger and deeper, then you should know very clearly up to which point the sadness is normal and when you should be particularly attentive.

Here you can find the “healthy” symptoms of a breakup. If you perceive this in yourself, then everything is in the green area with you.

So here are the symptoms:

  • Anger and frustration
  • Weeping - often and violently
  • sadness
  • anxiety
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Zero-minded mood
  • be overwhelmed with life
  • Loss of appetite
  • Irritability
  • melancholy

However, these symptoms are plain and simple grief mechanisms that help to process painful experiences and to be able to forget your ex-partner.

Accept these feelings and don't try to force them out. Only by accepting it can you make your peace with it and finally process it.

Unhealthy symptoms after a breakup

On the other hand, it looks completely different with the “unhealthy” symptoms that follow after a breakup. These are far more than questionable and they can be a first sign of depression.

Therefore, after a breakup, pay attention to yourself and your emotions for at least 2 weeks. If you notice several of these symptoms in yourself during this time, you should consider medical treatment and get professional help.

Here are the "unhealthy" symptoms of a breakup:

  • Constant brooding, cloudy, dark thoughts
  • social withdrawal, up to and including social isolation
  • complete lack of energy, fatigue
  • nagging self-doubts and reproaches
  • frequent thoughts of death
  • no longer interested in hobbies
  • constant tension
  • afraid of the future
  • hopelessness
  • constant feelings of emptiness and sadness
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Difficulty making decisions

Especially if you've had depression in the past, the more likely the breakup will cause another depressive episode.

Avoid Depression After Breaking Up With 6 Steps!

Step 1: Recognize the Depression!

The earlier you identify depression as such, the faster and more targeted you can take action against it. But for this you have to know yourself very well and be able to perceive even the smallest changes in your state of mind.

You don't have to be embarrassed about depression, many people suffer from it.

Step 2: keep in touch with friends!

The worst thing you can do in case of depression is to “bury yourself” at home and avoid all social contact. It is precisely these that give you the support you need and the understanding you need in this difficult situation.

In any case, stay rooted in your social environment and actively look for activities with your friends and family.

3rd step: Allow feelings, sort and analyze them!

Don't make the mistake of locking out your emotions. Face them, give them the space and time they need.

Live out your feelings and don't try to suppress them with drugs or alcohol. Feelings want, yes, have to be lived in order to perish and lose their horror.

4th step: Write down the feelings from your soul!

It often helps a lot to process the feelings if you put them on paper. You are welcome to write to an imaginary friend or to your ex-partner.

In this letter you can say everything that is on your mind. In this way you bring order to your emotional chaos and your gaze will clear up.

5th step: Strengthen your self-confidence!

After a breakup, nothing suffers as much as your self-esteem. You doubt yourself and plague yourself with accusations. But always keep in mind that no one is to blame for the failure of a relationship.

Distract yourself from these thoughts when they arise and treat yourself to something nice instead. This can be a wellness treatment, a delicious dinner with friends or, or ...

Step 6: start a new phase in your life!

You have sacrificed your whole previous life for your partner. Now there is a big gap and you have to fill it with life and meaning again.

Relive your old hobby or look for a new one that fulfills you. See the new for what it is: the beginning of an exciting phase of life with lots of surprises and opportunities. Do not leave them unused!


A separation is not the end of the world! Always keep that in mind! Of course it is bad if the loved one is suddenly gone, but the world will keep turning! Always remind yourself that you are also a personality and that you have the right to be happy.

Under no circumstances should you glorify your ex-partner, because that would make your self-confidence even smaller. Live your life, have fun and see it as a new chapter in life with new opportunities for you.

"When one door closes, another opens for you!"

Dear reader, I hope this little guide can alleviate your heartache and grief and help you to quickly become the person you really are again.

If you have any further questions on the topic or would like to make other comments, please use the comments. We hope you enjoyed the article!

Our cooperation partner Dr. Judith Gastner works as a couple counselor, psychotherapist and coach in her own practice in Munich. Together with the relationship expert Prof. Dr. Ludwig Schindler developed the scientifically based online program - effective coaching for everyone who wants to solve relationship problems and strengthen their love.