How can you confront a rude person

How can I stop a rude employee from making aggressive / rude / embarrassing comments and keep my respect?

I come from the thinking that the time to address the problem is immediately when boundaries are crossed. If this person asks where I am going to sit, I would probably say the following statement without getting emotional, rude, or confrontational:

I've covered that. You can find me in the Flex Space section if you have anything you need to report to me. Now let's get back to X ...

As you are not responsible to this person, you do not need to make a statement. Instead, just go on factually. People like this say things like this to try to rise from you. So if you stay cool and keep your strength by not going defensive then it takes their strength out of them and hopefully makes them stop. Also, it only makes them bad if there are undertones of hostility on their part but not yours.

After that, it can be a good idea to speak to this person privately, ideally after the meeting. Remember, the sooner such problems occur, the better. After the meeting, take this person aside and calmly explain that you do not appreciate the "Jane Sightings" and that you would appreciate it if the person stopped. It is possible that he does not know that he is doing harm, and even if he does, if he privately points it out, it can lead him to change his behavior.

As others have said, if the behavior doesn't stop you have to pass it on to your manager or HR department, but I also believe that, as a manager, you need to demonstrate that you are able to resolve HR issues and personality conflicts on your own.

Dr. Henry Cloud, clinical psychologist and leadership trainer, answers the following question in a Forbes article titled "Managing Boundaries in the Workplace":

What if an employee pushes your limits and does something that bothers you?How should you react to that?

This is a great example of when a team has a vacuum of leadership boundaries. The best thing would be to use the "symptom" as an opportunity to talk about some values ​​and behaviors that could bring the whole team together in situations like this, and then to know what to do. For example, the value could be "Honest Conflict Resolution" with some agreed behaviors that would bring this to fruition, such as "When we need to solve a problem with someone, we go straight to them and look for a solution." We receive and listen when someone brings a problem to us. We are always looking for an answer that is good for both. “That kind of value at hand, with these specific behaviors, would lead someone to know what to do, not only in this situation but in others as well.

In summary, Dr. Cloud that you need to set expectations about how you will be treated and how other employees will be treated in the event of a conflict. You have the option to set this standard. Set a good example and don't allow people to treat themselves like this.

With that in mind, you can also begin to resolve these issues between subordinates on your team. If two of your subordinates call each other publicly, or Employee A announces a sighting of Employee B or something similar to embarrass that person, this would be a great opportunity to report that behavior without you being the target of the bullying or the Conflict.

Green fingers

In the ideal world, if the colleague said: "I would like to know where Jane is now ...", Jane's manager intervened with something like "Why do you want to know?"

jmort253 ♦

@ Greenfingers Yes indeed! And what I left out is some kind of what Dr. Cloud as this is a leadership problem that could very well go all the way to the top. Otherwise we have to set limits ourselves as best we can ...

jmort253 ♦

@greenfingers - Just for your information, you made me think about it more and wonder if the problems are more complex than I imagine. You should consider hanging out on The Workplace Chat from time to time as we could definitely need more help with the pros and cons of how to proceed on certain posts.