Why does a day feel like yesterday?
How does a day actually feel?
Advertising* I am a very visual person. In order for me to understand something, I have to see it. I need my schedule next to me to keep an eye on my week. Private and professional appointments are marked in different colors, the flags in the Apple Mail have different colors for different subject areas and customers and even my job is visual in nature. I go through the day with open eyes, I see a lot, I really feel less of it. I have 6.5 diopters, when I wake up in the morning the world is completely blurred. A gray mass. Therefore, my first groping grip on the glasses applies and before I even push one foot out from under the covers, I put them on my nose.
I recently got a request to share a video. That happens a lot and sometimes I don't even find the time to watch the videos. But I looked at this and it touched me. So much so that I wondered what it would be like if I only saw my morning gray matter in certain situations, if I had to listen to myself to feel what is happening around me. Would I find my way around? Recognize me and the people around me? Or would I get lost and lose my way completely disoriented. That's why I did without my contact lenses for a day, only took my glasses and took them off in 5 situations to pay close attention to what my day actually feels like.
I open my eyes and feel that the bottom of my duvet is warmer than the top. The sun is already shining in through the window. Like every day, the cat is still lying in his cat bed next to mine. He purrs. It sounds a bit like someone outside is trying to start a car and keep stalling. I sit up and feel for his head, catching his nose, which is cold to the touch. It's like wiping a tear off someone's cheek. A cold drop on the warm skin underneath.
In the office, I turn on the computer. Apple Mail makes “Pling”. “Pling.” “Pling.” “Plingpling.” I know that today I still have to finish a design for a website. There is also a blog post waiting to be written and photos for two more posts are also on the to-do list. “So little time. Try to understand that I’m trying to make a move just to stay in the game, I try to stay awake and remember my name… "sings Tom Chaplin appropriately from the loudspeaker of my cell phone. It's a customer. He needs the new company folder in three days, the data still has to go to the printer today. I feel like five arms grab me from behind and pull back as I try to run forward. The feeling of having to do everything at the same time and still see the to-do list getting longer and longer is a bit paralyzing and for a moment I don't know what to do first. The world seems to be contracting around me, my hands fly over the keys, I speak on the phone, give instructions, minutes and hours go by and I feel like I'm in a car. With 220 things on the highway. Your head stuck out the window. But I smile because I love that feeling of being able to determine where the journey is going. This is my kind of freedom.
In the afternoon I have to make an appointment, a presentation is due. I really want the job, but I'm not the only one offering it. I put on the new blazer for the meeting. There's a stupid label on the back of the collar. It scratches and it feels like some animal is trying to crawl up my neck. But now it's too late to snip around. I'll be on it in 10 minutes. While I sit in the foyer and feel watched by the receptionist on the phone, I go through my presentation again in my mind. On the one hand, I'm really looking forward to showing what I've thought of. On the other hand, I'm afraid to talk nonsense. It's like when Rose and Jack stand up at the bow of the Titanic, shouting "I am the king of the world" and at the same time lying on the wooden door in the cold sea, just before going under. A weird feeling. When I was called in, the wooden door feeling prevailed for a short time.
After the appointment, I have an appointment with my sister in town. She needs new jeans and I still have a voucher. I park in the multi-storey car park and because there is nowhere available, I have to go up to the third floor. Driving up the narrow street in a circle feels like back then as a child in the amusement park of the Graz trade fair. Every time I wanted to ride the really fast, really spectacular things, but ultimately the courage was only enough for the children's carousel. I stop for a moment on the street. The people who walk past me feel a bit like huge butterflies that flutter past me and only touch me very lightly from time to time. The bus blows warm, dusty exhaust fumes in my face and I feel like I was in Las Vegas at 46 degrees. And suddenly wanderlust. It feels like a long leash to walk through life on. At some point you feel a jolt and notice that the leash is completely pulled out. On the one hand you feel the train back home, on the other hand you want to continue. Forward. Towards the horizon. And beyond that, if you dare.
In the evening I sit on the couch. Today I am alone. I was looking forward to the time to myself, had a hundred ideas of what I could do. And yet I just sit there and can't decide on a TV program. I like to be alone. I seldom feel lonely, but there are days when I have the feeling of being the only person in the world, even among thousands of people. The only person who doesn't sit in the hottest bar in town, who doesn't drink fancy cocktails, who doesn't try the latest trend sport, who doesn't work on incredibly important projects at night. I can't even manage a blog post. Alone feels like the sea. It is calm and quiet. And dark. The moon is reflected in the water and we say "look how beautiful". But nobody says “look under the surface of the water” because there may be something we don't want to see. Unknown depths or sea monsters that scare us.
Paying attention to your feelings for a day can also be quite scary. But to feel is also something beautiful and what would we humans be without our feelings? What I noticed: People and situations make me feel different, but things that I know and are familiar with make me feel good. Security. And among all the negative feelings - fear, nervousness, stress, loneliness, vulnerability - it is always the people we love that create positive feelings. The “you will manage it” or “I believe in you” make us go to the meeting much more courageously. The hi-darling-I'm-at-home kiss in the evening, when you open the door for your loved one, conjures a small smile on the face and suddenly we feel like we have arrived.
And now here is the video I was talking about. Check it out. Perhaps you are thinking of that one unique person whom you would blindly recognize anywhere. Even without glasses and despite the gray, blurry mass ...
* In collaboration with Pandora.
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