How should people deal with toxic relationships

Toxic people

Toxic people and their harmful influence on body and soul

Emotional violence in interpersonal relationships

“Disregard the opinion of toxic people. Get rid of criticism and you will get rid of their words and deeds. Do not idealize. Don't expect anything from anyone. "
Bernardo Stamateas

What exactly are toxic people?

As a mediator, I found it difficult to use the term toxic people for a long time. I was wondering if it was appropriate to label other people as toxic. Can that even be reconciled with my humanistic worldview? Isn't each one of us the product of his upbringing and his social environment and doesn't each behave to the best of his knowledge and belief and give the best that is available to him at the moment?

After all, life itself has given me an answer to my questions. In my daily practice I am confronted more and more with clients whose souls have been poisoned and almost destroyed by the immoral, destructive and anti-social behavior of another person. So it is time to call things by their names.

How do toxic people behave?

First of all, it is about finding out when you are dealing with a toxic person. Toxic people

  • are cross-border and intrusive. They ignore your privacy and do things they are not entitled to do without remorse and without a legal basis.
  • have no sense of guilt and are incapable of admitting mistakes.
  • only consider your feelings and needs if it is for their own benefit.
  • provoke disputes out of banalities, although the matter could easily be clarified with a short conversation.
  • have excessive demands without providing suitable consideration.
  • are resentful and jealous of anything that is good for you and makes you happy.
  • are always right, are unreasonable, incorrigible and ignore even legal framework conditions and requirements.
  • lie, manipulate and twist the facts with the aim of enforcing their own interests, regardless of whether it makes sense or not.
  • get caught up in a web of allegations, lies, feelings of guilt, whining, self-pity, blackmail, and accusations just to hide their own inadequacy.
  • put you under emotional pressure and suggest that you are to blame and punish you for your alleged wrongdoing.
  • are extremely sensitive to criticism. If you hit them at their sore point, you will become a personal enemy. The extermination course begins.
  • are addicted to outside approval.
  • enhance themselves by repeatedly mentioning that they know supposedly important people.
  • promise things that will never happen just to bind you to them. But only as long as you are useful to them.

Important to know: Nobody is perfect!

One thing is important at this point: none of us is perfect. We all have our quirks and deficits and are by no means free of errors. That is natural and healthy. We speak of a toxic person if they display the patterns and behaviors described above more than average and the people around them are emotionally damaged.

There is help!

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How can you protect yourself from toxic people?

Dealing with toxic people is challenging even for professionals.

Dealing with toxic people is challenging, not only for you, but also for professionals such as psychotherapists, psychiatrists, coaches and mediators. At the latest when you start to question your own perception, it is time to get professional support. For your own protection and to strengthen your personality, you especially need to know what makes toxic people tick. This is the only way you can develop strategies to deal with them in such a way that you will not be harmed in the long term. In severe cases, it just makes sense to withdraw and break off contact completely. However, if you need to keep in touch because the toxic person is your current manager, for example, I would like to recommend a few tips to you.

  1. Set and defend your boundaries, but be aware of one fact in particular: When dealing with a toxic person, arguments and explanations are worthless, even if it temporarily seems so. Still, it's important to be clear and clear about your point of view. To set a limit, you need to do so in a conscious and proactive manner. Do not leave it to chance, otherwise you will constantly get on the defensive and be overwhelmed by verbal attacks.
  2. Don't try to convince the other. This endeavor is absolutely hopeless. Toxic people have leased the law for themselves. To be wrong does not occur in their world. If the person were to listen to your arguments, they would have to question their own actions. This in turn can lead to one's own fallibility being recognized and lead to a serious crisis of self-worth. This is exactly what the other person wants to avoid in any case.
  3. Don't try to win. Fighting with a toxic person usually exacerbates and escalates the situation. Therefore, orient your actions closely to your own goals and desires. Act systematically, skillfully and from the role of the "adult".
  4. Don't look for explanations for someone's toxic behavior. Take things as they are. It just doesn't get you anywhere to ask why. The human psyche is a complex matter that you better leave to specialists. Instead, focus on yourself and your personal development.

If you want to go deeper into the topic, please also read my recent posts on narcissism. My articles Narcissism Overview, Narcissism and Mediation, Narcissism in Management, and Rules for Dealing with Narcissists are also very enlightening for dealing with toxic people.

What did you learn about toxic people in this post?

Toxic people degrade your self-worth. They harm you. Dealing with them leads to burnout, depression, severe trauma and physical illness. For this reason, create an environment that is good for you. Consistently banish toxic people from life. Surround yourself with people who are benevolent and understanding. For a happy and fulfilling life, you need people close to you who are unencumbered and who have humor, ease and joy of life.

Are you looking for tips to cope with your emotional crisis?

You can find more tips on effectively mastering emotional crises and recovering from toxic people in my new book, the ADVICE CRISIS. You can purchase the book by clicking on the picture or at Amazon via this link and anywhere in stores.