Cooperation kills the relationship

3 factors that kill romantic love

Last update: 13 September, 2020

The love between two people remains a secret. Despite the fact that innumerable scientists have researched them and philosophers have analyzed them again and again. After all, we now understand at least a little better why two people love. And today we also better understand the individual factors that can kill romantic love.

To do this, we have to take into account that relationships in our day are much less stable than they were in the past. That has its advantages and disadvantages. The freedom to begin and end romantic relationships is a victory over the hypocrisy or fatalism that prevailed before. At the same time, the ability to deal with conflict has almost disappeared. The result is that more and more people are alone.

In an idealized world, relationships are made for eternity. Couples leave the whims of the early days behind. They grow together and create a solid bond with each other. For this reason it is important take a look at the factors that can shake relationships. If you can read the signs, you can take action before the relationship is definitely over.

“When someone you love leaves you, you try to stop them with your hands and hope that you will capture their heart in this way. But that's not how it works. The heart has legs that you cannot see. "

Federico Moccia

1. Bad communication

Good communication with them isn't so much about finding new topics to talk about or having fun conversations. The truth is that good communication is a lot easier than that. It is quite sufficient to say respectfully what you think and how you are feeling in the given moment.

Bad communication, on the other hand, is more complicated. Lies, withholding of information and manipulation become more and more difficult to endure and put a strain on the relationship. They require more physical energy and greater emotional and intellectual effort.

One of the factors that romantic love can kill is the adoption of wrong communication patterns. This is the case, for example, when you want to say something, but actually say something completely different. Or when you say something with your words, but your body language and tone of voice express something completely different. It is also about patterns of communication that manipulate.

Conversations are crucial to a relationship. The wounds caused by the unsaid can never heal. Don't let poor communication become a factor that gnaws at your relationship. Work on good communication. First with yourself, then with your partner. Learn to understand what you are feeling, what you want, and how to express it.

2. Monotony

The subject of monotony is often misunderstood. Life, whether alone or with a partner, always contains boring moments. IrAt some point the routine sets in and routine processes are usually anything but interesting. Nobody, or at least almost nobody, manages to turn their life into a constant party or a fabulous adventure. Boredom exists. Each of us will experience it at some point, no matter how interesting our life is.

However, we must also point out that we are sometimes stuck in stagnant processes. This leads to depressing and monotonous daily routines that we apparently cannot escape. Almost imperceptibly, life then becomes an endless repetition of the same thing over and over again. There is no room for new or alternative.

This kind of monotony is capable of killing a romantic love. In this case, everyday life desensitizes, numbs and dilutes the emotions. This makes it more likely that the relationship will end or that one of the partners will start something with another person.

3. Overcoming the honeymoon phase, the time of idealization

This is not a factor that kills romantic love itself. We're talking more about a point of inflexibility in the relationship. During this critical time, each of the partners has to negotiate and adjust with the other person. In this way, coexistence is understood as a plus and not as something that makes the relationship unbearable.

The honeymoon phase or the falling in love phase ends when we no longer idealize the other person. Initially, we lose our judgment in proportion to the intensity of the emotion. We can't even see the other person for who they really are. Instead, we see him through a kaleidoscope, we idealize. We create an image of love that appears true but is not particularly accurate.

This distortion disappears after a more or less short time. When all goes well, affection and mutual understanding become the glue that holds the relationship together and makes it stronger. On the other hand, this is also the moment when breakups often occur. That's because the disappointment of finally seeing your partner for who they really are can be overwhelming, but also depressing. The range here ranges from perfect to extremely flawed. This is a point where the relationship either grows stronger or ends.

The three factors described here are of course not the only factors that can kill romantic love. Nevertheless, the influences we mentioned are among the most important in this regard. It is therefore worth taking the time to think about them and acting in good time to improve the quality of a relationship and make it stronger.

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