What brings you down in life
You should leave these habits behind you as quickly as possible if you, too, wish for a happy and fulfilling life
Inspiration, food for thought and tips for a good and fulfilling life
Again and again I am asked: "Why am I not happy even though everything is actually quite good in my life?"
Rather than responding to this directly, I want you to imagine for a brief moment how happy and fulfilled your life could be if you didn't constantly compare yourself to others. If you stopped brooding about the past or worrying about your future. When you would arrive completely in the present with all your senses and only do what you really want and make you really happy. When you are exactly who you want to be and no longer wish to be someone else for a second. And if you enjoy every single moment of your life from the heart or at least consciously perceive it.
You can see where this is going, right? In this article, I want to help you get there! In order for this to succeed, we should take a close look at the habits that stand in the way of this goal and which you should therefore quickly say goodbye to.
Because some things that you do are completely pointless, unnecessarily rob you of strength and, above all, keep you away from what is really important - a long-term happy and self-determined life.
So that you don't invest any more time in anything that doesn't do you good and slows you down, I have put together a list for you with the ...
15 habits that you should leave behind quickly
1. Stop wasting time with the wrong people
Life is too short to spend with people who literally suck your satisfaction and happiness out of you. Otherwise, anger and irritability are inevitable and you give pessimism and a bad mood the chance to settle down with you permanently. In addition, people around you rub off directly on you and your behavior: Did you know that over time you will become like the five people with whom you surround yourself most?Therefore, think carefully about the people you want to invest time, love and resources in.
There is give and take in real friendships and good relationships. Get rid of people who are not good for you, who do not appreciate you, do not treat you well and are only there for you in good times. Rather focus on the really important people. The wonderful Laura Seiler did a great job on this subjectPodcast episode in which she tells you how you can build and maintain deep relationships full of harmony and trust. Take a look at their site, it's really worth it.
2. Stop worrying about the past
"If only I had then ...", "How could he ..." Even if you try with all your might to undo what has happened - you will not succeed. Indulging in thought in the past can be very nice with positive memories; Unfortunately, however, it is mainly the negative memories that you wallow in for hours. And exposing yourself to the associated pain and dissatisfaction again and again - unnecessarily. You can't change the past anymore. It happened. As it happened. That has to be accepted. However, you can prevent it from negatively affecting your current life. You can learn from her. Leave your past behind and devote all your energy and attention to creating a happy life in the present.
3. Stop being afraid of mistakes and give them power over you
In principle, you know that mistakes are inevitable and that it is only human to be wrong. And yet you try to be inhuman and avoid mistakes.
From now on, try to welcome the mistakes you made. Working on how you deal with missteps is an essential step towards serenity, satisfaction, and acceptance - from yourself and other people around you. It doesn't get you any further to constantly think about past failures and to be angry about it or to brood over what you should have done differently (better). Just realizing that you made a mistake should bring a smile to your face. Because through this experience they have prepared you for the moments that are yet to come. And make you who you are in the long term.
4. Stop being jealous of others
No matter how perfect life may be from the outside, there is always something to be envied. Envy is an emotion that is just as common as joy. Comparisons are the breeding ground for this. And like everyone else, you pull it a hundred times a day: my colleague gets more praise than me. My girlfriend gets her job and private life under one roof much better than I do. My brother's relationship is much more harmonious than mine. The problem with comparisons: only very few can win. Namely those who are at the top. And because of our tendency to always compare ourselves to enviable people, it is guaranteed not to be you!
The consequences: Your self-confidence drops, you become dissatisfied, sad or angry. In short: it kills all joy. So try as often as possible to avoid making comparisons with others. If you do find yourself jealous, first ask whether you really want what the other person has. If so, use Envy as an incentive: Get active and think about how you can achieve exactly that.
5. Stop rejecting responsibility and justifying yourself
Not taking responsibility for yourself, instead blaming others and complaining, means: To weigh down on yourself. With a backpack full of luggage and loads that won't bring you a meter further forward and instead push you further into the ground. Stand by yourself and your decisions and take responsibility for your actions! You don't have to explain every step you take and justify yourself - if YOU know yourself why you acted and are okay with it. Most of the time, reinforced external justifications are precisely evidence that you are not 100% behind yourself.
6. Stop rejecting compliments
It's actually pretty paradoxical. Life is almost always about recognition. Behind all our efforts on the job, the churning of the household, the pampering of the partner, there is secretly the hope of praise. But when it comes to that, many can hardly bear it.
Are you one of those people who find it difficult to accept compliments? Who make their own successes smaller than they actually are?
Then it is high time to do something about it. The next time you react dismissively or negatively to a compliment, be sure of one thing: You are devaluing not only your own performance, but also the person who utters the compliment. So in the future try to accept compliments with gratitude without developing feelings of guilt. Because quite often someone would like to give you a compliment, selflessly and honestly, praise you, appreciate your performance or show their gratitude.
7. Stop lying to yourself
Ok, now it's getting uncomfortable. I know quite a few people who indulge in the relieving illusion that they have little or no influence on their problems or the solutions. This may feel more comfortable in the short term, but it hinders you on your way!
When you have had a tremendous amount of work to cope with at your job for weeks, and you have the feeling that the mountain is getting bigger every day. In truth, you would like your colleagues to give you a little more help or your boss to set priorities. Instead of informing your boss or colleagues, however, you prefer to behave defensively and keep plowing. And justify this with the thought that your boss would definitely fire you if you wanted to give up some work.
Or if your relationship is going badly: If you convince yourself that nothing will change about this fact, you will certainly not do anything to improve the mood between you. Logical consequence: The relationship is actually going down the drain. Although, if you had honestly grabbed your nose and really invested in the relationship and fought for it - you probably could have prevented it. So:Take your problems and solutions into your own hands and do not prevent yourself by lying to yourself from changing and improving something in the situation and thus in your life!
(And before I hear you scream out loud: Of course there are unchangeable framework conditions that you don't have in your hand. That's stupid, mean and sometimes really disappointing. But you have at least as much in your hand and could find solutions, if you'd finally stop fooling yourself into being a single victim of the situation.)
8. Stop pretending that everything is fine when it isn't
Once you have a bad day, it doesn't always have to be for an immediate reason. Some days we're just in a better mood than others. Then you don't have to talk to anyone about it directly - especially if there is nothing to say from your side.
However, if you are not doing well for a long time and you want to talk to someone about it, do not hesitate to let your loved ones know. You don't have to and shouldn't go through everything alone and it often helps a lot just to talk about it. The more you reject feelings, the more power they have over you. Suppressed feelings find another way. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you are unnecessarily bothering others. On the contrary: Connect feelings -your counterpart can understand you much better, empathize with you better and help you through difficult times.
9. Stop running away from your problems
Unfortunately, problems are quite persistent and have a habit of getting worse if you try to push them out. Therefore: Face them. Deal with them immediately and try to solve them in a satisfactory way for you. Of course it's not easy. I assure you: There is NO person in the world who can cope with all the setbacks that come down on him in a playful way and in no time at all. Because our nature is to stumble, fall and be afraid. However, it is very important that you get up again if you fall. If you manage to do this a few times, I promise you that getting up will become easier and easier and at some point you won't even notice you're falling.
10. Stop thinking you are not ready
One thing I can assure you: no one feels 100% ready for anything when an opportunity arises. It is perfectly normal. Because most of the really big opportunities in your life always force you to jump into the deep end. Only when you dare to leave your comfort zone do new doors open. But no one ever had the feeling of being absolutely ready. So do not let this deceptive feeling and obstacle deprive you of the true adventures and possibilities and rob you of the true treasures of life.
11. Stop worrying and thinking about things that shouldn't happen
Unfortunately, worries are a part of life and, above all, of human nature: We tend to think more about possible negative consequences. Even if you know in principle that brooding will not get you anywhere, you do it over and over and mostly unconsciously paint it to yourself Worst-case scenario for your future out. The bad thing is that, unlike fears, there is no concrete trigger for worries and potential disasters. The child cannot be called by name, it is just something bad that could happen. An unknown threat in the future. So that you can no longer think about things that shouldn't happen in the future, I advise you to ask the right questions.
If you find yourself caught in a negative spiral of thoughts again, ask yourself one by one:
- Is that MY problem?
- Can I change anything about it?
- Is the problem acute NOW?
Only if you can answer all three questions with a yes are your thoughts about them justified. And then you shouldn't just think about it, but rather take action and tackle the problem.
12. Stop focusing on the negatives all the time
What were you upset about today? What bothered you?
What were you really happy about? What were you grateful for
I'm pretty sure that you can think of a lot more spontaneously about the first two questions than about the last two. And the reason for this is certainly not that you have not yet experienced anything good or that you cannot be grateful for anything. Unfortunately, in everyday life we often forget to keep this in mind and consciously enjoy the little things. Positive things are often taken for granted. An essential finding of happiness research is that above all people are happy who manage to get to know the beautiful in their life. If you want to stop being ungrateful, I advise you completely unselfishly unselfishly :-) to continue reading my blog and soulsweet to visit. Because I'll give you essential tools to help you Look for the positiveto train and make them an attitude.
13. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner
There is no way I want you to stop supporting and helping other people. Because whenever you help others, you always gain something yourself: It makes you feel good and fills you with satisfaction. Helping others can also add meaning to your own life. However, these positive consequences of helpfulness and selfless behavior only occur if you do not forget something very important: To help yourself and you around you to take care of (In this Article I'll tell you how you can do it.). So don't put your own needs behind. It is your right, almost your duty, to do yourself good. Because: How are you supposed to give anything yourself when you are empty yourself?
14. Stop trying to be someone else
Let's face it: we are all influenced, and not so little, by other people. Including me. And I think it's really good if you have role models and are inspired by other people (otherwise you wouldn't read my blog either 😉). I too have a lot of role models and mentors who have influenced me over the years and who still do. But at the end of the day, it's you who has to do the work. If you really want to feel fulfilled, alive, and completely happy, you have to find out and know who you are and live by it.
No matter how hard you try you will never be able to be anyone else. And that's a good thing, because you are a lovable, wonderful and unique person. What are you waiting for? Live yourself out, show the real you to the full. Start laughing with all your heart when you feel like it, say what you think and do what you feel like doing. And above all: accept and love yourself for who you are! (That's how it's done!) Once you choose to be yourself, you open the doors to freedom, love and happiness.
15. Stop trying to buy yourself happiness or looking for it in others
It will surely make you happy in the short term if you look at your loot after a long day of shopping. But that kind of happiness is not what I'm talking about and what you basically long for. You cannot buy things that contribute to your happiness in the sense of a fulfilled life. You will also look in vain for it in others, especially if you are not satisfied with who or what you are. Your personal path to happiness has only one successful starting point: with and in yourself.
That's it, 15 things that shouldn't make life difficult for you in the future. I am sure you felt "caught" here or there. Please, please don't feel bad about it. Because they are all too human behaviors. The first step towards change is ALWAYS being aware of something. So take a closer look: What about it do you know and do particularly often, what not at all and what now and then? And then consider A CONCRETE FIRST STEPyou can do today to get rid of that behavior or mindset.
Let's “bear witness” and show each other something genuine about one another: What do you know about yourself in particular? What do you quarrel or struggle with the most?
Leave a comment (scroll down very far).
Oh yes, sharing is caring: If you liked the article and helped, share it now with your loved ones and with all people who the knowledge can also help. Thank-you!
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4 Comments on You should leave these habits behind you as quickly as possible if you, too, wish for a happy and fulfilling life
Thank you for the nice contribution. You got things to the point and it's good to be reminded again and again. 🙂 Annette
thank you very much for your comment 🙏. I am glad that he is helping you. Which "stop it ..." point are you most likely to remember from time to time? All the best, Ulrike 💖
Dear Ulrike, thank you for the great article. Points 11 (worry) and 12 (focus on the negative) struck me the most. During my studies (which I tackled after 20 years of work) I had many more “specific” worries (e.g. about exams - “what if I fail this or that?”), But also the vague fear - that too now appears in my job now and then - that at some point "everything will fly around my ears". I have found for myself that I can't get out of my skin and that I tend to be black-and-white. That's why I admit a little moaning from time to time, but then I can often laugh about it. Likewise, there are days when I slide into the negative. I allow bad feelings like “nobody understands me” for a while (I like to snuggle up on the sofa and cry while watching TV). When I drive, I always get upset, but I can let go of the anger more quickly. And I manage more and more to say “Not my fucking problem” in certain situations and decide that I don't want to waste any energy on getting excited now. Above all, I like things that I can be grateful for 🙂 Greetings, Ute
Dear Ute, thank you for your comment and for sharing your experiences! When you talked about studying, flashes of memory flashed through my brain :-). I think it's half the battle (maybe even more) if you know what makes you tick. As soon as it is clear to me, “now I am in black painting mode”, I already have more distance. Then the feeling is no longer the same - and every now and then you may also be able to smile about yourself (* there I was again; -) *). And then a limited time of misery seems to me to be a wonderful solution. The other day two very nice questions came to me to get some distance and not let things get too close. In this case it was a lot about hurt feelings by others and the two magic questions are: 1. Is it really harming me ?, 2. Did the other do it on purpose? Maybe helpful to you too. Yes, otherwise the focus on what is also there in life besides the black helps above all. The things to be grateful for, to be proud of, to be happy about ... And of course "It's just a bad day, not a bad life". All the best, Ulrike 💖
HELLO, I AM ULRIKE.
As a qualified psychologist and coach for positive psychology, I will support you with valuable suggestions to go through life more relaxed, relaxed and with more joy! You want to know more about me
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