How are you with your life

The “I'm fine good ”lie and what it means

I'm just wondering how many times I've asked someone how they are doing this week. Probably just as often as I received the answer "I'm fine".

Are you really OK?

While this question actually has the potential to deepen interpersonal relationships and is also a great tool for self-reflection and personal development, most people use it more like a greeting.

Most people use the question more like a greeting.

In the past, I too often answered this question with an unconscious “I'm fine”. Every now and then I added that it was a little stressful or that I had a cold. But I can't remember ever saying "I'm miserable today, my heart aches, I feel useless, powerless or unloved."

Why I answer honestly now

When I became seriously ill in 2015, I suddenly encountered the question of my state of mind and its preprogrammed answer. Pumped full of medication that curbed my chronic chronic pain a little, I suddenly couldn't get the classic answer to the question that was asked so often.

This experience taught me to listen to myself more often and at least give honest answers to myself.

As painful as this experience was at the time, it also taught me something. Namely, to listen to myself more often and at least to give honest answers to myself. Today I would like to tell you why that is good and what potential lies behind the question.

How you can use the mood question for your own good

At the time when my pain disorder was dominating my life, I asked my friends not to ask how I was doing unless they were genuinely interested and patient in my response. My family, partner, and very close friends kept asking about it, and I learned how much relief it is to share your thoughts and feelings more often.

I learned how relieving it is to share your thoughts and feelings more often.

In addition, my detailed answers had another positive effect. They conveyed my feelings, which often don't have time to reflect in everyday life, from the unconscious to the conscious. As a result, I recognized my needs more and more often and learned to be more careful with myself.

In the course of time I have put together three questions that I return to again and again in everyday life:

  • How do i feel Which feeling is particularly dominant today?
  • Where in the body do I feel the feeling?
  • What is moving and preoccupying my thoughts?

What happens if you answer honestly

Banning the “I'm fine” answer had other effects as well. Through my in-depth answer to the question of my state of mind, I also gained more and more insight into the true emotional world of my counterpart. Instead of small talk, there were more and more moving conversations. Actually, this is hardly surprising, because the question "How are you?" can be translated or understood in many ways:

  • What emotional you right now
  • What inspires you?
  • Whatdepressed you currently?
  • What reason to joy did you?
  • WhichDesires and longings burn in you

Why it makes you more mindful

Of course, not all people who ask us how we are are interested in a profound answer. Likewise, we probably don't want to share this with everyone. And yet I interpret the individual "How are you?" In everyday life as a reminder.

While my answer is, "I'm fine," I remember in my mind that it is probably time to be more mindful of myself again. I even imagine that whenever the hectic pace of everyday life is louder than my inner voice, I encounter a particularly large number of questions about my state of mind.

Time to talk to yourself

"Aha! It is probably time again to pay more attention to my inner workings ”, I then think and often reserve ten minutes for an extensive self-talk afterwards.

"And how are you?"