Long-distance relationships almost always fail
16 reasons why you should end your long distance relationship
You are dissatisfied with your long-distance relationship and you are now wondering whether you should end it? Any breakup is not easy, but at some point you will get to a point where a breakup is the last resort.
Here you will find out about the various reasons why long-distance relationships fail and how you can properly end your long-distance relationship yourself. I also address the important question of whether you should end your long-distance relationship despite love.
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1. You see each other too seldom or less and less
In a long distance relationship, every minute you spend together is extremely precious. However, if the meetings become increasingly rare, at some point you start to doubt the long-distance relationship.
As long as there is no sign of a downward trend, the relationship is still intact. However, if this is permanent, the relationship will sooner or later fail because of it.
2. You argue more and more often
Arguing is part of every relationship. However, if this fails too often, the relationship will suffer. In a long-distance relationship, however, there should be much less arguing, as you rarely see each other and you should spend almost all of your time doing beautiful things.
If you are arguing more and more with your partner in the long-distance relationship, you should do something about it as soon as possible by seeking an open conversation with her.
3. The long-distance relationship is taking too long
Very few people are in a long-distance relationship by choice. If you have the feeling that the long-distance relationship is taking too long and that you will not move in together in the next few years, then this relationship will become a real stress test.
Only if you have the prospect of a normal local relationship will you be able to persevere. However, if there are no signs of this, or if she avoids such important conversations with you, you will legitimately doubt that anything will change in this situation at some point.
4. Sex is becoming less and less common
For almost everyone, regular and good sex is very important in a relationship. In any relationship, the frequency of sex per week decreases, but in a long-distance relationship, you should have a great need for sex every time you meet again. Even when you don't see each other, cybersex is a wonderful way to bridge the gap.
If sex becomes less and less common over time and fewer and fewer caresses are exchanged, even though you see each other so seldom, you should change something about this situation as soon as possible.
5. You are no longer interested in each other as you were at the beginning of the relationship
One could also say “you have grown apart”.
Normally, a long-distance relationship doesn't run out of breath so quickly, because you don't see each other so often and therefore the longing for one another becomes stronger the longer you haven't seen each other. However, if the opposite is the case and you almost don't care when you see each other next, then there is actually nothing left that holds the two of you together. You just don't feel anything for her anymore.
If you'd rather spend the free weekend without her, you won't really regret the breakup with her in retrospect. Breaking up will be the most sensible decision, especially when you notice that she isn't that interested in you either.
6. You have to keep every weekend off for her
Since you rarely see each other in a long-distance relationship anyway, it is understandable that you try to spend every free minute with your partner. Every now and then, however, you need your own freedom, be it for hobbies, friends or further training for the job.
If she doesn't give you the freedom to do something like that and you have to spend all free time with her and nothing else, you'll end up feeling pretty frustrated. If you'd rather have fun with your best buddies on a weekend, your girlfriend should understand that and not immediately think that you are no longer interested in the relationship.
7. She's constantly jealous
Jealousy is one of the biggest relationship killers. Especially when the jealousy is completely unfounded. Trust is therefore the be-all and end-all in a relationship.
Does she want to know from you all the time what you are doing and if you are not available for a few hours, then does she step in? A little jealousy in a long-distance relationship is understandable, since the other is a little afraid of losing the partner, but if you behave like that and are almost pathologically jealous, you almost need nerves of steel to not to go crazy even doing it.
If you almost have to be careful what you say in their presence so that their jealousy does not come out, then your relationship suffers a lot. As soon as you tell about other women in your life, for example, it is already boiling inside her.
In such a case, you need to make her aware of her jealousy so that she can work on it herself. If there is no improvement in sight, you need to question your relationship and consider breaking up.
8. You are no longer happy to see your partner again after a long time
Especially at the beginning of the long-distance relationship, every minute we spent together was just wonderful. The time in which you saw each other flew by and the time until you could finally meet again was infinitely long and an absolute torture.
But now the fact is that you don't even really miss your girlfriend anymore. Of course, in any relationship, the attraction fades a little over time, but in a long distance relationship it shouldn't be as pronounced. If you do not miss it even after a long time, this is a clear sign that the air is out between you and that you are not made for each other.
9. You don't trust her anymore
Trust in a long-distance relationship is paramount. After all, you can hardly control your partner what she's doing when you don't see each other for a long time.
She constantly gets to know new people in her everyday life and she also goes out in the evening or partying without you. So you worry that she might cheat you or leave you for someone else. You keep wondering what she's doing and whether she's telling you the truth about what she's been through since you last met.
If for some reason the trust has been broken because you accidentally overheard something, it will be difficult for you to rebuild that trust.
Depending on what exactly happened, you have to decide whether you want to end the relationship because of it or give her a second chance.
10. Telephone calls and Skype calls are becoming increasingly rare
In a long-distance relationship, almost daily phone calls are very important. If these become more and more rare over time and the conversations become more and more superficial, this is not a good sign. Even if one no longer speaks about one's own feelings, the relationship suffers. Listening to the other person properly and paying full attention is particularly important in long-distance relationships.
Do you have the feeling that she is making less and less effort to communicate with you on a daily basis and she is also postponing the phone calls more and more often because she is supposedly too busy or just too tired, your relationship no longer has that for her top priority.
11. You should visit her more often than she comes to visit you
In any relationship, both should invest in about the same amount. If the relationship is no longer right, the relationship begins to falter. If your friend in your long-distance relationship wants you to visit her more often than she does you, then this puts a strain on your relationship.
Here you have to look for an open conversation with her and ask her to make just as much effort with the visits as you do. If there is no improvement in sight in the long run, the relationship will fail.
12. She doesn't want to move in with you
Very few want to have a long-distance relationship for eternity. At some point you want to move in together and finally spend more time together. But what if you want to move in with your girlfriend, but she still wants to wait?
The longer she postpones contracting, the more you lose faith that it will eventually happen. It could also be that she is just holding you up, but actually has no intention of moving in with you. Maybe she likes the long-distance relationship, where everyone has their own space and doesn't feel constricted.
This can be quite frustrating when you're the only one who wants to move in. After all, you can't force your girlfriend to move in with you. At the latest, however, when children are being planned, then you have to give serious thought to moving in together.
So that you can see a little ray of hope at the end of the tunnel, you should at least talk about when you can imagine living at least in the same city. You don't have to move into a shared apartment straight away.
13. You met someone else
A long-distance relationship is always a kind of endurance test. Even if you are honest and loyal to your partner, it can happen that you have met a woman who blew you away from the first second and suddenly you doubt your long-distance relationship.
Before you can get intimate with this new woman, however, you need to end your existing long-distance relationship. Anything else would not be fair to your current partner. Further down you will find out exactly how to proceed when exiting.
14. Your employers are too far away
When you entered into the long-distance relationship, you were still studying or training and the permanent employer was not yet determined. Now that you have finished your studies, you have decided on an employer and the distance is still so great that it has remained a long-distance relationship.
Most companies simply require maximum flexibility from their employees. Many then first want to have a career and therefore you have to be willing to compromise in the relationship. The emancipation of women also contributes to the fact that women are more and more career-focused and place less value on a relationship and ultimately family planning.
15. She no longer invests in the relationship
For every meeting you have always given yourself a lot of thought and also done a lot for the relationship. Unfortunately you notice that less and less comes from her. It seems to you by now that she has a certain indifference to your relationship.
16. You have no common plans for the future
Since a long-distance relationship is an enormous test of endurance, discussions about mutual future plans should definitely be held. Joint vacations or when you start living in the same city should be discussed. If such conversations don't take place, or if she doesn't even mention you in her own future plans, you have legitimate doubts about your long-distance relationship.
Before you make a wrong decision, however, talk to her about your future together. If she rather evades such conversations, then you know that she cannot (yet) imagine a future together with you.
It also depends on how long you've been together. If the relationship is still very fresh, then you cannot have any claims on a future together. Only when the relationship has already reached a certain depth do mutual plans for the future make sense.
In any relationship, the attraction diminishes
Before you doubt the long-distance relationship, you need to be aware that in every relationship the attraction diminishes. At some point the rose-colored glasses are gone and you suddenly see all the flaws in your partner that you had not even noticed before.
If you think that in a normal relationship without this long distance everything will be different, then you are wrong.
There are always ups and downs
The problems you are seeing in your long-distance relationship, are they permanent or have only recently occurred? There are ups and downs in every relationship. As long as the problems don't persist, you should wait a little longer before finally ending the relationship.
If you move in with your girlfriend, there are other disadvantages
At the latest when you move in with your girlfriend, you will get to know the other disadvantages. Suddenly you're just crouching on top of each other and the daily controversy then becomes the dirty sock that has not been cleared away on the floor or the dirty dishes in the kitchen. Try to see the positive characteristics of a long-distance relationship.
Are you even suitable for a long distance relationship?
Not everyone is suitable for a long distance relationship. Maybe you just got involved in a long-distance relationship, even though you were more than skeptical beforehand. Now you have realized that a long distance relationship is just not for you and that you do not feel comfortable in this relationship. Falling asleep alone every evening without exchanging tenderness, even though you are in a steady relationship, is not something for everyone.
Basically, however, you shouldn't make your happiness dependent on your partner. That's why you should learn to be alone from time to time. Only when you can be happy without your partner will the relationship enrich you beyond that.
Before you finally end the long-distance relationship: Did you already talk to each other about the problems?
Be sure to talk to your girlfriend first about the problems you are seeing before you actually end the relationship. Perhaps some aspects of your friend were not directly aware of them and she would like to change something and thus save your relationship.
At least give her this chance and wait again for a while to see if anything has changed. You can only draw the final line if everything has stayed the same.
How you should go about breaking up
If you have now actually decided to break up, there are a few points that you should definitely pay attention to. The most important thing is that you never break up with her via WhatsApp or a phone call.
Your partner deserves a face-to-face conversation with you, especially if you've been together for a long time. Anything else would be more than unfair to her. If the next meeting does not take place for a few weeks or even months, at least a Skype call should be included as a video call.
During the video call, you can arrange a time with her in advance. Just write her the following: “Can we call at 6pm tonight? I have to talk to you."
This “we have to talk” is known for separation talks. Since your relationship has not been going so smoothly for a long time anyway, she already knows that you want to end the relationship.
Another way to end the long-distance relationship is to write her a handwritten letter. This letter is also much more personal than just an SMS or WhatsApp message.
The on-site conversation should take place in a neutral place, i.e. not in public, where you can calmly tell her that it cannot go any further and that you therefore want to end the relationship.
It is best if you visit her for the breakup rather than the other way around. This makes it easier for you to say goodbye and you don't have to bear the costs of travel. In addition, you can carefully indicate that you want to separate before you arrive. To do this, you can announce to her in advance that you want to talk to her about your relationship. Just tell her you want to talk to her about an important topic.
You shouldn't argue or blame each other during the break-up talk. Explain objectively why you decided to break up. It is important that you do not allow yourself to be persuaded to try again with her. You have already made your decision in advance and you will stick to it.
At the end of the conversation, you definitely wish her all the best. After the two of you have spoken out, you have to start your journey home quickly. If you spend even longer time with her, then the separation will only be more difficult. Also think about your personal belongings and give hers back to her.
Once you break up with her, depending on how intense your relationship was, you will struggle with breakup pains. It will take a few weeks for you to start feeling better. Since you won't meet your ex-girlfriend by accident, it will be easier for you to process the pain of breakup. So that you can keep your distance even more, follow her on all social media channels or at least deactivate the notifications.
If she tries to contact you after the breakup in order to win you back, then you absolutely have to stand firm so that the end of the relationship is really final.
When you want to end the long distance relationship even though you still love them
You will find it hardest to end the relationship if you still love them but are just not suitable for a long distance relationship. In such a case, I would recommend that you do not end the long-distance relationship and just learn to deal with the long-distance relationship. Just keep the benefits of a long distance relationship in front of your eyes and you will eventually get used to the long distance relationship. With true love, the distance doesn't matter.
It also depends on how long you've been together. If you are still at the very beginning of the relationship, i.e. shortly after the phase of getting to know each other, then you have not yet developed such strong feelings for each other and the separation will not be so painful for both of you.
However, if you break up with her even though you love her, you will have a much harder time dealing with the pain of breakup. The longing for her would eat you up inside. So think carefully about whether it really makes sense to end the relationship. After all, a long-distance relationship is usually not a permanent one. At some point there will come a time when you will move into a common apartment or at least live closer together.
Long-distance relationship abroad
Most have long-distance relationships within the same country. But what about a long-distance relationship abroad? In a long-distance relationship abroad, the couples see each other least often, as the long distance is a lot of money and the journey itself takes a lot of time.
In order to keep up such a long-distance relationship, you have to have a common plan for the future, when you will live much closer together. I also have to emphasize once again that with true love, the distance does not matter. As long as there is great trust in one another, one can be happy in a long-distance relationship.
Ending a long-distance relationship will not be easy for you and you have already thought about a breakup in advance. This article will now make it easier for you to decide whether you should actually break up.
If distance is only the problem and not your partner herself, you should refrain from breaking up and learn to deal with this situation.
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