Why do I always feel alone
Overcoming loneliness, how do I do it?
There are people who live alone, eat alone in restaurants or travel around the world alone - without feeling lonely. Other people feel lonely as soon as their girlfriend or boyfriend is out the door, they are sitting alone in a café or even when they are actually surrounded by other people. How does this feeling of loneliness come about and what can we do to make us feel less lonely?
What is the difference between being alone and being alone?
As soon as we have outgrown toddlerhood, it becomes more and more normal for us to be alone every now and then. In general, we get used to it, and sometimes we even find being alone pleasant. For example, when we look forward to being alone after a stressful day at the office and putting our feet up.
In other phases of life we find it difficult to be alone and we painfully realize that we are alone. When that is the case, we speak of loneliness.
Loneliness is always perceived as uncomfortable and occurs when we feel painfully alone - regardless of whether we are really alone.
Because the feeling of loneliness can arise even when we are actually surrounded by people. This is often due to the fact that we cannot establish or feel any real connection when we are together or in conversation, as we do not want to open up to our counterpart or the other closes. When we feel misunderstood, unloved, and not accepted by others, we can also feel lonely in society.
Why do we feel lonely?
Some people feel lonely less than others and we also feel more lonely at times within our own lives than at other times. Why is that? As already mentioned, this does not necessarily have to have something to do with being alone. Rather, the reason may be that we are not comfortable with our own feelings and thoughts. That is why we want the comforting closeness of another person, conversations in which our own points of view can be supplemented or adjusted. This can also change our feelings and make us feel better again. This is sometimes more difficult for us without the exchange and the presence of another person.
3 tips to overcome loneliness
How can you overcome loneliness, especially when it may not be possible at the moment to establish closeness to another person? You can do this, for example, by doing exactly what other people would do, with whom you can usually connect in lonely moments.
If you find yourself feeling lonely and uncomfortable, you can consciously listen to yourself. For this, ask yourself very understandingly and lovingly: What is going on in me right now? What do I feel and think? If you are having trouble with an inner monologue, you can also write down the answers.
2Do something good for yourself
Self-care is an important part of improving your relationship with yourself and enjoying being alone with yourself. The nice thing about it is: You don't need anyone else to care for yourself! Knowing this can be helpful and supportive, especially during contact restrictions due to Corona. You can find more about this in our article Lonely in the Corona winter.
So ask yourself: what can I do for myself? Or to put it another way: What do I need? Try not only to think big, but especially to think small: make yourself a cup of tea, listen to your favorite song, go for a walk or take a bubble bath. Sometimes it takes effort to be self-sufficient. But every little effort will not lose its effect and you will feel cared for instead of lonely.
They were already mentioned at the beginning of the article: the lucky soloists. But just because some people like to eat alone in restaurants or travel alone does not mean that they feel good over the long term and never feel lonely. But they accept these feelings of loneliness when they pop up every now and then. When you're lonely, ask yourself this unusual question: What's so bad about loneliness? Do I really have to overcome loneliness? It can create a feeling of inner strength if you choose to just let uncomfortable feelings be there and feel them instead of doing something about them. For example, you can say to yourself: I feel lonely right now and I can take it. Or even: I feel lonely and that's fine.
The important thing is: in order to overcome loneliness, you have to face it. Then the above tips can help you and you can emerge stronger from the loneliness. Take courage!
Is loneliness a delusion?
Another exciting question about loneliness is: does it even exist? A thought from Buddhist psychology, but also from quantum physics, is that the clear separation between everything we see, including ourselves and other people, is in a certain way canceled out the closer we look. If we look at ourselves and others in a mind game on a subatomic level, that is, beyond the smallest physical particles we are made up of, there is an energy that we all share. This means: You may have the feeling of being lonely, but - on a certain level - nothing distinguishes you from other people. You are never alone or, in other words, always connected.
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