Should I date someone with two kids?

Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - also like that with you?

Written by pixie on 03.03.2010, 3:45 p.m.


I want to ask you something today:

do you get asked every lunchtime by several children whether they can come and play with you ???

Well, it annoys me so much at the moment, that's really bad for us!
I don't even like going to the Kiga at lunchtime and I don't dare anymore ...
Every day one, sometimes two kids (e.g. if I canceled the first one) and literally beg and tug at the jacket and say: duuu, can I play at Emily's today (or vice versa)? But so penetrating!
Unfortunately then I get stubborn and say no even more; (
Especially when some children still complain they want to come! Or some then ask why not! If I say no, not today, then ask why and want to know exactly why ...

But is that also the case with you?

The kids are all between 4-6 years, mine is 5.5.
Well, it's not just like that for me, other mothers (but always the same and we're almost all friends with each other, which doesn't make things any easier ...) are being "begged".
No, there is such a phase right now, I find this whole meeting really exhausting ...! ; (It will be time for summer and everyone will meet on the playground anyway ...

How is it with you?

LG, Nina


Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer fromsaarbaby on 03.03.2010, 4:07 pm

Why does that bother you?

With us hardly a day goes by where there are no friends to play with, now with 2 children!
it doesn't bother me. On the contrary.

As long as it's not the children, where I don't support contact so much, everyone is welcome to come when we have time. or they go to the children.
sometimes 2 friends come to the big one at the same time .....

lg katja

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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer fromAthanasia on 03.03.2010, 4:09 pm

So, I don't know what's annoying about that! Rejoice that your daughter is apparently popular! And the children then ask "why not" is quite normal! Then you just say that you don't have time and that's fine! My goodness, these are children! If nobody asked the post would probably be "Help, nobody wants to play with my daughter!"

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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer frompixie on 03.03.2010, 4:24 pm

Hmm, I think it's all a bit too much to meet up every day or to have something to do.
There is gymnastics and dancing once a week ... where the children see each other again.
I find it annoying to explain (almost) every day what we do, that we are not at home (or just stay at home), etc.

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They are children! They want to play!

answer fromCharlie + Lola on 03.03.2010, 4:59 pm

Maybe you should listen to your child and not what annoys you. I don't understand that.
And that children want to know the reason is clear, if you would reject an adult you would also give a reason ............. and that automatically.
I find the way you write quite condescending.

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That doesn't bother me

answer fromHofi2 on 03.03.2010, 5:07 pm

Malte (5) goes to the choir with his best friend on Mondays, on Tuesdays he is either with him or his friend comes to us and on Fridays he goes to sport with other kids.
Wednesday and Thursday we keep it flexible - but other children don't bother me at all. On the contrary, then the children are busy.
I also find that you are not particularly kind to the other kids.
Why? Are you stressed? Are you coming straight from work when you pick up your child?
So do I - but I always find that the children can't help my stress.

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Re: I don't mind that

answer fromstar fairy75 on 03.03.2010, 6:34 pm

It's the same here, but I don't think that's a bad thing, on the contrary, at least Laura has someone to play with. We always take turns, sometimes with us, sometimes with the others, whereby Laura likes to invite the children.
At home alone isn't always nice, so I have time for myself.
And that you ask is normal, don't know any child that is not curious.
Your statement is a bit arrogant that the children are annoying and begging.

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@pixie: I feel the same way!

answer fromlucky ball on 03.03.2010, 7:05 pm

Even if everyone else here disagrees, that annoys me too. Both in KiGa and in school (3rd grade). There are days when I just want to be alone with my children (and my husband when he's free). And I don't want to have to explain that to any 8-year-old. And 5-year-olds just don't. Although it's not as bad in the KiGa as in school. There I am repeatedly begged for overnight stays. Although it hasn’t been agreed with the other parents, nor is my daughter really wanting it.

So: I'll give you my hand ;-)


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Re: @pixie: I feel the same way!

answer frombabu on 03.03.2010, 7:33 pm

I know what you mean, but I have to say that it always depends on the child who asks. I like to have children with us who are happy here, play nice with my children and are easy to have. I do not welcome those who think that I am starting an animation program, who tell me after ten minutes that they are bored, who always want something different and cannot even say goodbye in the evening when they are picked up.

And when I don't have time, I say it without giving a reason, unfortunately it just doesn't work.

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Re: try to explain!

answer frompixie on 03.03.2010, 7:34 pm

Hello again,

I wouldn't have expected the reactions to be so negative, I have to admit! It shouldn't come across as arrogant. I am not the only one in the Kigabe circle who feels that way. With the other "begging" children, too.
And I'm not unkind to the children! Honestly, that annoys me a bit; ((not meant to be angry). How do you come up with it? Do you really mean I grumble at the kids like "No, not today!"
And I don't have to give anyone an account of my undertakings. If I don't say today that should be enough in my opinion. Ok, it's really different with children!
But if I get a "rejection", no matter from whom and for what, and the person does not say why, then that is simply none of my business.
I don't even know how to get it across ...
But - I personally think that's just too much to do every day. And it doesn't bother my daughter to play alone at home. If SHE arrives and asks if she can come to us anyway, sure!
Just explaining to some children 5 days a week every lunchtime that we are doing gymnastics, dancing or anything else that is really annoying in the long run.
This "clique" (as they say so beautifully in the Rhineland) sometimes just gets too much for me and Emily is busy even without a visit (sometimes more, sometimes less).
The week looks like this:
On Mondays she is with my parents after Kiga
Tuesday is gymnastics
Nothing on Wednesdays
Thursdays mostly bathing day (at least in winter it is / was that way)
Dancing on Fridays

Oh how you do it, it's wrong;)
Sorry and it's a shame that it comes off so wrong!


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Re: @pixie: I feel the same way!

answer fromnose on 03.03.2010, 8:02 pm

So I can understand part of it.
I find the children's natural curiosity perfectly fine. You can just accept it more easily if you know the reason. Even if it seems exhausting for us.

But we also have a child in the day care center who really catches me. The only problem is, my son doesn't even want to invite him, the two boys aren't actually friends at all. I've already explained that to him politely and in a child-friendly manner. At least started a cautious nice attempt. Difficult to explain. But just trying to tell him that it's basically not up to me, but that Sohnemann doesn't want him to come at the moment.
I also understand why. Sohnemann often says that he just annoys him, probably just as he is attached to me, that he constantly promises him something, just so that my son does what he wants .. On his birthday he also came straight to me and said me was not invited, I think that's totally mean of you. I also invited xy so that he would invite me. My son wasn't on his birthday because we were on vacation and he didn't want to go anyway. And he was allowed to invite four children on his birthday, the said did not fall under ...
And with this child, I understand that it is really exhausting and sometimes slightly outrageous.
Because he is really standing behind the door and waiting and actually asks me if I say you, we are already scheduled today, have to leave or something, "then postpone it" or I can go with you.
Yesterday he said to my son in front of me, come my mom will buy you a great laser pistol, and you now say that I can come to you .. And slowly that annoys me too.

With other children it works, if they ask me every now and then, then it works, or we already have something planned ..
I suspect that my son asks other people every now and then, but as long as it remains polite and "distant", that's ok ..
only when such small mice become a bit rude do I find it exhausting. But I also said that to my secret shadow upstairs, "You, it's no use if you ask me every day if xy wants to invite you, then you are welcome to come." But they hardly ever play together in kindergarten. He actually has a different circle of friends, my son too. But somehow he got used to the fact that he wanted to come to us. I am often in two minds whether I should take him with me, but my son clearly rejects it .. Why should I invite someone who my son clearly says, I don't like to play with him that much ..

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annoys me

answer fromvallie on 03.03.2010, 8:06 pm

when my daughter asks her friend's mother when she can play and gets the answer: oh the week after next MAYBE ...

we are not terminated and that is a good thing.

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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer fromSuki on 03.03.2010, 8:19 pm

we also have a little mouse in my big son's group who actually speaks to all the parents who pick up their children on a daily basis. no matter how old their children are and whether they even know them. in the meantime the educators are trying to tone down the question. explain that you can't go to play somewhere every day, etc.
your parents are really embarrassed, but what do you want to do? the little one apparently finds other children's rooms so interesting.
She always wants to come to us. my sons have absolutely nothing to do with her and do not want to invite her.

lg suki

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I would be happy if it were like that ...

answer fromWUTZ on 03.03.2010, 8:24 pm

My daughter (4) can't do it without me, which I don't ask for. But I don't get to see her friend's mother that often either ... once the child was with us.
Sometimes I also think that I have to work harder (at least for now).

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No, that's not common here ...

answer fromMM on 03.03.2010, 8:49 pm

... I would be annoyed there too. At least if that were to prevail, as you describe, and I also justify myself ¨ "had to" :-(!

But here there is no such thing as making appointments as it seems in Germany. If so, then you also make an appointment with the parents or the mothers drink coffee and the children play, or something like that. This is then agreed with each other, usually in advance.
That the child goes somewhere else alone and the other mother then, so to speak, takes care of it, is something you only do if you know each other better / are friends.

And the children are usually together in kindergarten until the afternoon (around 4 p.m., 5 p.m. at the latest) and then tend to play together there. Or you go to the playground afterwards or something.

Just for information, that it doesn't have to be "normal" always and everywhere ... I wouldn't feel guilty about that - if it fits, OK, if not then not - done. And somehow I don't understand how it works with you - because the other mothers don't say anything when their children so formally impose themselves on you ??? Or are they not there, right ...?

Greetings, M.

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I don't think that's normal either, that you only hang out with the children

answer fromCharlie + Lola on 03.03.2010, 9:01 pm

Parents you like or know.

Until 4 p.m. is of course long, I can understand that there is no more time.
But our main pick-up time is around 13-13: 30. and when a child asks me whether it can come at noon, I either put a note in the compartment or call the parents at noon.
I don't see a problem in that.
We have also had children at children's birthday parties whose parents I didn't really know and where the child had never been there before.

You shouldn't mess around, the children make their first social contacts ..... mine can do that freely and independently with us.
Of course the first ones were brought into being by the mothers, but as we get bigger we will get some more impressed.

So always stay relaxed.

And what is a bathing day? That's why no visitors are allowed to come? Strange .............. well now.

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answer fromanjos on 03.03.2010, 9:05 pm

With us it is very fashionable that the children meet up with each other. Especially with the 3-4 year olds. There are mothers who don't want to know anything about it, their children are not allowed to meet ... the mothers think their children are still too young and there are only general appointments from the age of 5. This or a similar argument is made. Our daughter likes to play with our neighbor boy in the KiGa ... she would also like to meet up, but the boy is not allowed. It has to be said that we live in a peasantry and that our neighbors live relatively far away if you compare that with the residential area in the city.

The girls also arrange to meet each other ... our daughter sometimes tells me at lunchtime that she has made an appointment with xy ... which is probably not true. Since our daughter takes the bus to the KiGa, I don't notice what conversations are taking place at lunchtime among the parents who pick up their children themselves. Possibly. That’s why our daughter didn’t have so many dates yet. That's not wrong with ME ... I'm not so enthusiastic about having to look after several children here all afternoon. That's why I'm not really taking the initiative at the moment.

The day before yesterday I picked up our daughter at the KiGa in the afternoon and one of her friends happened to be picked up at the same time ... so her mother and I arranged a meeting for yesterday afternoon. That went really well, the children got on well and even our little one played really well with them. But I don't need that every day!

Once a week I think appointments are ok, so in KiGa age. Later in school this will certainly be more common, but then the children don't need constant supervision or an animator!

LG, aNdrea

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answer fromthe elle on 03.03.2010, 9:36 pm

I always find visits nice and fun.
My daughter also has some friends in the KiTa whom we like to visit and who also like to come to us.
However, I don't have to have it every day.
With us, the regular day of kindergarten ends at 4 p.m. Until the child has been picked up and everyone has said goodbye in front of the facility, it is usually 4.20 p.m. or later. I don't necessarily have to take other children with me or sit around with others.
I also think that if the kids played, painted, ate and did something together from 7:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m., that should be enough for the day.
We have visitors about once a week, two more days are blocked by grandparents' day and gymnastics and two afternoons I just spend "like that" with my child. I enjoy that too! And I think the dwarf also thinks it is nice when she just has a few hours' mom to herself!


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can only agree with pixie :-)

answer fromx_Steffi on 03.03.2010, 9:39 pm

I can fully understand you. In kindergarten, I often feel that a girl from my son's group would like to come and play every day.Only my son doesn't want that at all! So every time I explain to the girl that we don't have time or that she should discuss this with my son first.

The other day we walked home from kindergarten together. I'm friends with your mother, they live in the neighborhood. The two ran to us in the garden, it was okay so far. When my son ran into the house to go to his room, she just followed suit, so me with my mother. Unfortunately, we couldn't leave the two of them alone because there was only bickering. So nothing with a relaxing afternoon. He just wanted to play alone and not with the girl. But I feel uncomfortable when my mother is with me and my son tells the girl to go home, he doesn't like to play with her ...
So in the future I would rather tell her in kindergarten that playing together at home won't work.


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Whether "normal" or not ...

answer fromMM on 03.03.2010, 9:42 pm

... - what is normal"? It's just so common here.

OK, you may have reservations about that, but I don't find it sooo absurd that you don't just take responsibility for a child where you don't know the family, have nothing to do with each other ... - or whatever else your child is going lets go where you don't even know the people. Hmm, or am I getting this wrong now?

I can't really imagine it, in practice, I mean. Like "slip of paper in the compartment"? If the other child asks you, where is his mother ??? I mean, they would normally have to show up to pick them up at the KiGA, right? Or is it now agreed BEFORE that the child will be picked up by you and not by its mother?

I know it that you dance to the KiGA to pick it up, either after lunch (approx. 1 p.m.) or in the afternoon (between 3 and 5 p.m.). Depending on the situation, you will meet other children in the cloakroom when they are picked up, and they will be picked up. But then logically the person picking up is there - so why put a note in the compartment when I have it in front of me ... ??? If they and we spontaneously have the time and inclination and it happens, we go to us, them or out (playground, etc.). Another child can only be picked up if the parents "approve" it beforehand in writing in the KiGA - so spontaneous is not possible, as the KiGA is not allowed to give the child to anyone who is not on the "pick-up list".

Maybe I'm on the hose, but I really don't get it ...: - /

Really spontaneous and "self-determined" appointments only start here from school age. We live in the Czech Republic.
Greetings, M.

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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer fromsuper mampfi on March 4th, 2010, 8:07 am

Hi! It's nice when you want to play with your child. Or are you working and have little time? Otherwise, it's bright when there are children. They play, you have time for yourself. I do not understand what is exhausting about it ...
Incidentally, being stubborn is just as childish as tugging at your jacket.
Simply say in a friendly manner: "We don't have time.", When a why comes up saying: "Because it doesn't work." Don't even argue.
Maybe take the wind out of the sails by doing something with 1-2 children at the beginning of the week.

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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer fromYuri06224 on March 4th, 2010, 8:13 am

Children need children to play with, ideally every day if they want to.

It used to be like this, the children went out and met outside in the courtyard, on the street, etc., but that is hardly possible today, so they make an appointment. I remember going out every afternoon with the other kids.
I was seldom at other people's houses, as my parents used to take care of children very differently.

I can understand that it is sometimes annoying, but to be honest: I cannot imagine that it would upset me soooo that I put it here as a problem. Why, there is no solution to this 'problem'. And that one lets the behavior of some children so badly is rather unusual. There are worse things...

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Supermampfi - "exhausting" ...

answer fromMM on March 4th, 2010, 8:24 am

... can be due to the fact that your own children, together with play children, create a lot more chaos and disorder, or that the visiting children sometimes do not observe certain rules that you do not have to explain to your own ... and the like.

I don't mean to say that I am against going to the game, but because you write what should be exhausting about it - I feel it is a difference if only my two are playing next door in the room or if someone is still there. It has a completely different dynamic, is more unpredictable, less well-rehearsed, cleaning up afterwards is a much bigger "act" (they do it, but I may have to "drive" them more) ... etc.

As I said, sometimes it's nice and don't mind, but relaxing is something else for me ... Especially when I realize that I also have responsibility for the visiting child, when it is there alone, I am already a bit always "ready to jump" (or as I should say now) - I can't just do my thing in such a relaxed way.

But as already written above, this is not as common here as it is in Germany. Correct independent appointments are usually only available from school age - beforehand rather sporadically and / or often with mother who drinks coffee with the other person, etc.

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Pixie, I understand you ...

answer fromMM on March 4th, 2010, 8:51 am

... - also find it strange if that doesn't come from one's own child. IT is something completely different when your own child expresses the wish ("I would like to invite XY to play today - is that possible?") Or when both children arrive together after they have agreed and say, for example, "We would like today play together with us ... "

But what about other children, with whom your own child hardly has anything to do or with whom it does not WANT to play at all?!? Something's not OK ... can't help me.

As written above, the appointments are different here anyway (is that a "typically German phenomenon" ;-)?), But even so I can't imagine a child talking to me about whether they are allowed to, if that my son doesn’t want to and they didn’t agree ... Has really NEVER happened; also do not know what should move this child to ???

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Me too.

answer fromstella_die_first on March 4th, 2010, 9:10 am

We also have some children who are so annoying and pushy.

Every day after school they ask whether we have time (regardless of whether my child wants that!) And if you say no, they carefully check why not, where you are going, what you are doing and why .. I do too beastly on the nerves. And there are far older children.

But I also know that from earlier, when my child was in Kiga age, it was just the neighbors' children who constantly stood on the mat and robbed you of your last nerve with their questions or suddenly ran to the car when the gate opened and you drove out and then asked where to go, when to come back and whether they could then go on the trampoline etc.

I can understand pixie completely - on the one hand you don't want to be rude (you are a role model), on the other hand the annoyance is just annoying and who likes to justify himself for his leisure time?
A "no" just has to be enough, without further questioning. I don't know why some people don't teach this to their kids ..

When my child was little, by the way, I usually met the mothers for coffee while the children played. This is actually completely normal here. It was always very nice and I would never have left a smaller child alone with people I don't know better anyway.

In any case, a brief "No, it doesn't work today" and then completely ignoring further questions helped.

As I said, I can understand the main problem with pixie .. and again I don't know what that has to do with "these are children who want to play" ..! That's not the point.

And when pixie and her child have a "bathing day" when their daily program is not dominated by games, that's their business too.
Not everyone wants to have their booth full every day, but also wants to play with their child themselves ...!


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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer fromMisone on March 4th, 2010, 10:37 am

It's the same for us, so the question doesn't annoy me in that sense. if you ask and it doesn’t fit, then i say no, we don’t have time and it’s good. I think that's completely normal. sometimes it's also children who are a little wilder and don't follow the rules, well, I don't like having them with me either.
with us, something else is rather annoying, there is a girl (so I'm really sorry for her) she always comes running and hangs on the parents of the other children and wants to cuddle with them, my son thinks that is totally stupid and then pokes her always gone. me and the other parents feel really stupid too. the educators always take her aside. she probably doesn't get the cuddling units she needs at home really sad...

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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer fromLaEmLu-mum on March 4th, 2010, 11:02 am

it doesn't bother me. my kids know that they can meet twice a week. there is no time on the other days. And if a child asks me and I say no, I immediately give the answer "not today, but then and then it will work" and that will be fixed right away.

Only two children from the neighborhood annoy me who always arrived at 5:30 p.m. and wanted to play. this is almost our mealtime.

but otherwise I think it's ok. better than if no one never comes

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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer frombiggi71 on March 4th, 2010, 11:45 a.m.

I'm really amazed how "thin-skinned" some are.


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What I don't know is weird? With us, between 13 and 15, the

answer fromCharlie + Lola on March 4th, 2010, 12:42 pm

other groups picked up until 5 p.m.
And if a child asks me what has not yet been picked up, I just put a note in the compartment.

And honestly why inventing excuses ........ when a child asks me, I always ask my first or send it to my daughter.

Mostly it is also that both are there and therefore it is clear.

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answer fromstella_die_first on March 4th, 2010, 1:30 p.m.

Why "thin-skinned"?

It is simply annoying when children don't want to understand that you don't have time and then keep pounding you with questions. And that every day.

That is what the outbound posting was about.

I am definitely anything but thin-skinned, penetrating people still give me a break - even if they are still small :-)

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Oh, now I finally get it ...

answer fromMM on March 4th, 2010, 1:40 pm

... with the note :-)!

And if it is only picked up at 5 pm, will it still come to you so "late" ...?

I'm just interested in how it is "somewhere else" ... ;-) M.

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Re: stella

answer frombiggi71 on March 4th, 2010, 2:20 pm

I still find it thin-skinned.
if something like that is annoying, well then.
I can't understand it - I don't have to.

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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer frommom 78 on March 4th, 2010, 5:09 pm

So pixie, I can understand you too! :-) We have such specimens in the Kiga as well and me (although I am very fond of children :-) that is often annoying too.

Incidentally, I find these children's dates quite exhausting, no matter how well the children play together. For me there is just one extra child that I have to look after and for which I take responsibility for the time. And the smaller daughter is also there, who would like to play and is usually not allowed to play with the big ones. Then there is often stress.

I don't care if someone finds me thin-skinned here because of that, then I'm not the absolutely great mother. So what?

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@ mom 78

answer frombiggi71 on March 4th, 2010, 5:17 pm

what you can interpret into it ...

I didn't write that you won't be a great mother! that wasn't the point.


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answer fromvallie on March 4th, 2010, 5:22 pm

apparently we or our children are not popular because I am not familiar with the fact that children ask me such questions. usually i ask the mothers or the mothers me if we agree something, but as mentioned, we don't get an audience ad hoc anyway.

i understand what you mean, but apparently we cannot put ourselves in this predicament.

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Re: @vallie

answer frombiggi71 on March 4th, 2010, 5:33 pm

I already know that, but it doesn't bother me :-))
either I say: it works, or: it doesn't work.
here, only naughty children everywhere, who are annoying with their questions.

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Re: @vallie

answer fromflo03 on March 4th, 2010, 6:11 pm

I only know that you ask your parents in advance when it's best and when not. Of course, people also ask, only then do I ask whether the other parents also know about it. Sometimes the kids make an appointment beforehand and you as the parent will be the last thing to be told.

I don't think it's bad either. You can openly say yes or no.



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Re: @pixie

answer frommontpelle on March 4th, 2010, 8:33 pm

The child is not allowed to meet other children because mom finds it exhausting!?

Why do you have a child when it is too stressful for you to meet important needs for your child's development?

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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer fromSilke11 on March 4th, 2010, 8:50 pm


that doesn't bother me - I always say, yes, I'll call your mother when it suits (also with the other child, they don't always know when they have ballet or gymnastics, for example) and I'll do that too. If necessary, you can also control that it is only once a week or so, if you want.


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Re: Appointments in the Kiga are annoying - is the same with you?

answer fromSvenni on March 5th, 2010, 8:37 am

No, that doesn't bother me.
If we don't have time, then I say that. If the dwarfs stick with them and are persistent, then I just say "because that's the way it is ..." and toss the Mini over the head or something. I don't discuss it with the children and I certainly wouldn't justify myself. If my son wants to play too, I can arrange something with the parents for the children at short notice, possibly also at the weekend.
Where is the problem? There is nothing better for children than to be with children.
LG Svenni
(Little son also goes to gymnastics and music lessons. There are three more days to just play - luckily!)

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