What makes an INFJ door slam someone

Not sure what to do with your life?

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I was free two years ago. Even freer than I am today. At that time I had no job, but money, no relationship, no permanent apartment and hardly any property. I could do whatever I wanted. That year I was in New Zealand, Southeast Asia, Estonia, Mexico and a few other countries. As long as I was out and about, I enjoyed my freedom. I liked the new impressions, the variety, and the exotic.

I just couldn't stand still, because then my freedom felt like a burden. Where should all this lead? What would I do as soon as I lose interest in traveling? I could have done anything, but everything is at the same time Nothingwhen you don't know what you want.

I didn't know then what I want, I don't know today, and actually I've never known it. How could I? Who knows what he really wants - in view of the possibilities? We have never been as free in our decisions as we are today. We can study whatever we want, go abroad for internships, choose any job, become self-employed, move to another city, even another country. We can make our dreams come true, follow our passions and - if we believe the internet - we should live every day like it is our last.

Why too much freedom paralyzes us

At first glance, we would like to see such possibilities. But I feel paralyzed with it at times and know people who feel the same way. We also receive messages from readers who are also overwhelmed by their freedom:

“I've just finished my Abitur and I can't say what I want to do with the best of intentions. To study? What? Which university? I'm afraid. Fear of choosing the wrong thing and of not meeting nice people or being lonely, for example. [...]

I have a lot of time and all paths are actually open to me. And yet I just don't know what to do with my life. I always ask myself what I want, but I don't know. "

I'll call this reader Tina. The fact that she can't make up her mind isn't just her fault. Rather, Tina is like most people. This is shown by a well-known experiment by Mark Lepper and Sheena Iyengar from Columbia University. In a grocery store, they placed six types of exotic jams for tasting. About 30 percent of interested customers bought at least one jar of jam. In a second experiment, the scientists placed 24 different types of jam in the same store. The large selection was even more attractive, so more customers tasted the jam than before. But this time it wasn't 30 percent of the testers who bought a glass, just three percent. Sales had slumped radically!

The customers in this experiment were overwhelmed with the wide range and were afraid of making the wrong decision. Tina, too, has exactly this fear, not being able to decide whether to study. Your dilemma is, however, much greater, because it is not about a spread, but about your life. In addition, she not only has to choose from 24 options, but from 17,437, because there were so many courses at Germany's universities in the 2014/2015 winter semester.

Those who are literally spoiled for choice have nothing to gain. No matter, For what you choose is always a decision against something else that could be even better. In principle, we therefore regret the decision before we have even made it. Dan Ariely calls this state "Anticipated Regret". Nothing has happened yet, but we are already afraid of remorse.

As a result, we don't want to commit ourselves for as long as possible. We try to keep all doors open. In his book Thinking helps, but is of no use describes Ariely that even then we don't want to commit ourselves when any Decision would be better than not making any. We don't see the forest for the trees. Today's high school graduate may only do a social year or go abroad - that can never hurt on a résumé - and if he then decides, he studies forever and changes the course twice more, just not to one Having to set a job.

As much as freedom generally contributes to the satisfaction of a society, it can also make us unhappy if we cannot deal with it. The researchers at the Danish Happiness Research Institute describe in "The Happy Danes" why the Danes are considered to be one of the happiest nations, but at the same time an above-average number of antidepressants are prescribed. In a society where all doors are open, it is particularly tragic when one despairs of freedom. There is a lot of pressure to make the most of your life. But if you don't tear anything in freedom, you automatically become a loser. It is your own fault if you make the wrong decisions. Life like this can be difficult.

Four insights that could help

When people ask me what to do with their life, I don't have them a Answer ready. I don't even have one for myself. I don't know what else I want to do in my life. There is no ten year plan. But the older I get, the more confident I can draw on some of the insights that I want to share here.

1. Making the best decision is impossible

The probability that best Making a decision is negligible. I mean 17,437 courses! We haven't even talked about alternatives that don't include a degree. Like Tina, who is not one hundred percent convinced that she wants to study. Choosing a job is not easier later on either.

If you don't know what to do with your life it's not because you have too little information. You probably already have too many. With all options on the table, it is impossible to make a rational decision. Our minds are far too limited to be able to do that. If in doubt, read my gut feeling article. So distance yourself from the claim that best Wanting to make a decision. It is not possible! Reduce your options as much as possible and then decide on your gut. It doesn't get any better.

Before I started studying, I had few interests. I didn't play an instrument, didn't play sports, didn't read books, didn't travel around the world, and I had no handicraft skills. I only knew school, television and computer games. In a way, it made it easy for me because I didn't know too much. I had no idea about passions and dreams. That's why I chose a pragmatic subject. Something that you study if you are not interested in anything: business administration.

Was that the one best Decision? No idea! I will never know what could have been. But I'm not particularly interested in it either, because I should have made a better decision at the time can, I would have done better!

This is how I see my every decision today. Was it that best Solution to go to a startup after graduation and earn only 1,000 euros gross? Was it that best Decision to found an agency afterwards? Was it ideal to throw in the towel and travel around the world? I dont know. But I don't regret it because I could have done better can, I would have done better!

2. Everything will be fine in the end

“Everything will be fine in the end. If it's not good, it's not the end. ”- Oscar Wilde

It is worth looking at a major decision from a distance: What does it actually mean to make a decision? Why is it so difficult? What can really happen?

If the jam testers had asked themselves these questions, they would certainly not have been confused and gone out of business without jam. They would have realized that they overestimated the importance of their decision and it doesn't matter whether you choose cranberry or ginger-lemon, as long as you like both. You would probably have realized that you are between your favorites arbitrarily could decide. Anything would have been better than not having no jam.

It is the same with the larger questions in life. The importance of a decision is often overestimated. Young people seem to believe that with a course of study or their first job they will commit themselves to something forever and ever. But none of these decisions determine a lifetime. A study got to does not result in a particular job and the first job is certainly not forever. Rather, life is a long series of decisions, big and small. With each of these decisions a new reality arises for you, which is no better or worse than other realities. She is just yours Reality and the basis for further decisions.

Before I decided to study at a vocational academy at Berliner Wasserbetriebe, I had an offer from Siemens in Munich for an apprenticeship with parallel studies. The degree would have been better, the company was more prestigious and very likely I would have been able to stay there afterwards while Berliner Wasserbetriebe did not take on any of its students. Objectively, Siemens would have been the better decision. However, I didn't dare and turned down the more attractive offer. It didn't hurt me. Still, I'm happy with how it all turned out. I don't know what would have happened if I had chosen Siemens. Everything would have turned out differently. Perhaps I would never have become self-employed, I would not have traveled around the world, would not have lived in Leipzig, would have other friends, but it would certainly have been good anyway.

Even after I decided to work for Berliner Wasserbetriebe, the rest of my life wasn't predetermined. It was very likely that I would embark on a corporate career. But things turned out differently, because a number of decisions followed after my diplomathat made me a startup employee, self-employed person, agency owner, world traveler and blogger. I didn't hit them randomly, but rather when I was dissatisfied with something or saw an opportunity elsewhere.

Every decision affects your life, but you can never tell over a long period of time what it will bring you. If I had drawn up a ten-year plan ten years ago, my goal would certainly not have been to become a blogger and author.

A A decision, however big it may seem, is not about luck or bad luck. It is only one step on your life path. Every day you have the opportunity to take another turn and in the end everything will be fine.

3. The main thing is that you do something

Knowing what you want to do is good, but not essential. It is much more important that you do something at all. Don't let your freedom paralyze you, get into action. Do something that seems halfway right to you.

Interests develop while doing. Before I started marketing online, I didn't know I was going to enjoy it. Until my first day in the office, I didn't even know what this was about. After my job was accepted, I read what to expect on Wikipedia. Back then there was hardly any information on the web, but the company felt right to me. That's why I wrote an application. It was the only application that Not went to a corporation. I was accepted and accepted an absurdly low salary. After a short time I was fully involved, learned a lot and did my job well. I quickly developed the desire to continue at home. This later resulted in my independence.

It was the same with blogging. It has never been my dream to become a blogger and writer. On the contrary, when I had to write for our agency blog back then, I usually found it torture. I grew into writing after I started. 101 Places was initially a small blog for friends and family. Over time, I took the task more seriously, tried harder, and reaped success. Now I'm running my third blog, Healthy Habits, and I've written several books. Without ever having dreamed of it.

If you already have an idea what you would like to do or even want to do a thousand things, choose one of them and start. You don't have to bet your whole life on it, just start. Put your little toe in the water. You will quickly notice whether it is as beautiful as you imagined.

Author Scott Adams swears by systems when you don't know what you want. These systems increase his chances of experiencing the things he really wants.

Suppose you want to become a writer. Instead of setting out to write a bestseller, you should live by the "author" system. What do authors do? Write, write, write. And certainly a few other things like learning to read, write, and exchange ideas with authors. But above all writing. It remains to be seen whether this will become a bestseller. But nothing comes only from the goal of “bestseller”.

The bottom line of my advice is: Do not let yourself be paralyzed. Don't think about all the options, just get down to business.

You can find more inspiration in this direction in my text about human potential: Why there are no natural talents and how we can develop extraordinary skills ourselves.

4. Other things are more important

From my perspective today, the importance of a career is overestimated. In your 20s you may still be full of energy and think that you define yourself through work. It was the same with me. But at some point the insight came: it's not that important.

Let's be honest: We all want to be happy. That is the ultimate goal. We are trying to achieve this goal by various means. A job that is always fun, gives us a lot of freedom and also brings money, should often be such a means. But we are often on the wrong track. We keep telling ourselves what we would be happy with only to find out later that we are not. You can find my complete argumentation in the text Do you put your luck before you?

At some point I realized that a career is only of limited importance. It is actually not a means to become happy, but mainly to get rid of financial worries and, consequently, to have more time for things that actually make you happy. That's me when I do something for my health, learn, experience and love people around me. Sooner or later everyone may come to this conclusion and then ask themselves:

"Why did I actually put myself under this stress back then?"

Photo: Shutterstock's dream job

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