Is life really perfect
15 things you should no longer do if you want to live happily
We all want to live happily. What most do not know, however, is that we are much more likely to stand in our own way than that circumstances prevent us from living happily. Here are 15 things you should no longer do if you want to live happily.
We can really make life difficult for ourselves, and often we do too. We worry too much, burden ourselves with worries, feelings of guilt and doubts, are unhappy, but do not change anything and stick to our learned roles and patterns.
And then we complain that the world is so unjust and that we are so poor when in truth it is largely up to us whether we live happily or not.
What you can do differently in the future in order to be able to live happily and to feel much better immediately, I'll tell you now.
Live happy? You should do without these 15 things from now on
1. Waiting for the perfect moment
"I actually want to work as a writer, but now is not the right time."
And because the time is not right, you stay in your old job that you can't stand. Changing things now is not possible. First Venus and Mars have to be in the perfect house or some other cosmic sign that signals to you that it is okay to act.
Successful people who live happily differ from less successful people in that they are stopped waiting and started doing something. You can find out how this works here: Don't talk, do it!
2. Social expectations
"Actually I want to quit my job, start as a musician, confess my feelings to my great love, have a child and finally eat vegan, but that's not possible".
And why is that not possible?
Because your parents would be disappointed if you quit your job, because your brother says all musicians are poor, your buddy says you should be single and not commit, and your boss thinks vegans are weaklings who can't perform .
Well, stupid. Then it's best to bury your dreams back in the depths of your unconscious and continue to eat meat for the boss. That way, you can die with the satisfaction of knowing that while you never did what you wanted, at least you didn't risk a discussion to get it.
WAKE UP: It is your life. If your buddy wants to be single, please let him do that, but why are you letting his ideas guide you? Stop trying to meet the expectations of others at any cost and decide for yourself how YOU want to live happily.
You can find out how to stop caring about what others think here: What others think!
When I see most people messing themselves up, I want to shake them until they come to their senses. A few years ago it was no different for me.
"I idiot forgot the laundry in the drum again". "How can I be so stupid?" "I hate myself for having feelings for my boyfriend". “He's definitely not looking at you. What do you have to offer you stupid, ugly thing ”.
We already have enough external stress and conflicts by far. We don't have to do it ourselves make life hell. But that's exactly what we do. We punish ourselves, we criticize ourselves, we scold ourselves, we judge ourselves, we reject ourselves and keep reminding ourselves how inadequate and worthless we are.
Guess what? If you want to live happily this is NOT the way to go. The opposite is the case.
Especially when things are going badly outside, make sure that things are going well inside. Especially when you lack friends outside, be a friend yourself. Especially when there is no support from others, support yourself.
Be there for you Unconditional - with self-love and self-compassion.
Good is not good enough. We must the most beautiful, brightest, most successful and most talented be. We have to do everything 100% perfect. We expect us to be the perfect parents, the perfect employees, the perfect lovers, and the perfect children.
Behind this is our fear that we the way we are are not good enough
So we try to prove our worth by performing at our best.
The problem with this: In truth, nobody but yourself cares whether the cake was homemade instead of bought, the report cost you three days instead of one, and your hair was styled for an hour instead of 20 minutes. Only you worry about it.
And the side effects: the constant feeling of being inadequate and failing (because perfectionism is a bottomless pit), constant pressure and stressOften doing tasks late because you can't turn them in in their inadequate state and a permanent bad mood.
Do you want to continue as before? Be my guest. But it doesn't make you a better person - just a more unhealthy and unhappy one. Do you want to change something? Here are 5 tricks out of the perfectionism trap!
5. Worrying about what others might think
So often we let our happiness in life be curtailed because we worry about what others might think.
“How's that going?” “What do you think he thinks of me?” “What does it look like when I do that?”
Attention: Other people think about you a lot less than you think.
Why? Because they are preoccupied with their own lives and problems. So the kiosk seller doesn't look at you disparagingly because he condemns you for getting yourself another Coke or for displeasing your hairstyle, but because he just had an argument with his wife.
And one more thing: if others actually have a problem with you, it's YOUR problem. Not yours. Do yourself a favor and leave it with you.
6. Wait for the fear to pass
Everything that is new and everything that we do not know scares us. This fear will always be there because you can never know everything and know everything.
So learn to live with fear.
Learn to act despite fear.
This is the only way you can move forward in your life. Fear is a sign that you are evolving and chasing after your dreams. And for that it is worth to be afraid.
We have to do this ... we have to do this ...
Basically, we should completely remove this word, which we all use far too often, from our vocabulary. Because it suggests to us that we are not free. As slaves have to we do certain tasks until we are finally set free by death.
For heaven's sake. Who wants to live like that?
Nobody, you think now, but "I have to".
You have to nothing at all.
You always have a choice.
You have to Don't take over your father's business just because the four generations before you did. You can also choose differently. Sure, that probably doesn't make your father happy, but it's your free choice as to which consequences you are willing to accept.
8. Wanting to prove yourself
We're always trying to prove something to someone.
"Look here dad, I can earn my own income." "Look boss, how much overtime I work". "Do you Instagram followers notice how exciting my life is". "Look how quickly I got a firm body again after giving birth".
We want others to see our successes and to admire and praise us for it. We long for the approval of otherslike a bee after the nectar of the flower. It's the stuff that gets us high. At least we think it would be.
In truth, we rarely get the recognition we yearn for, and in the fewest cases we hear what we long for.
Dad isn't satisfied until you're a civil servant, no matter how much money you make. And your tight body may have 1% more body fat than someone else's. And hey presto, we feel inadequate again, which leads to the fact that we want to prove ourselves once more.
An eternal vicious circlethat you can only break through if you stop trying to prove something to others because you yourself have recognized your worth.
9. Your victim attitude
“I had a difficult childhood”, “My parents don't love me”, “Everyone is just taking advantage of me”.
That can be anything and yeah, that sucks.
And yes, it certainly shaped you.
And yes, you will be able to work a little more to straighten everything out and let go of the past.
But what do you want Have an excuse for the rest of your lifethat your life sucks or leave all that crap behind and live happily?
The latter requires that you finish with your past, that you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start to take control of your future.
10. Wait until you can
What we can't do scares us. That's why we want to do certain things only when we can.
The problem with this is that we do most of the things only learn by doing it.
It's like swimming: so many people stand at the edge of the pool and say, “I won't jump in until I can swim”. Which means you will never swim.
Because we learn to swim by jumping into the damn pool, although we can't yet and are afraid. So you can spend 3 years looking at the other swimmers at the edge of the pool and theoretically taking the whole thing apart, or you can jump in and learn to swim within 15 minutes.
In my coaching sessions, I keep seeing people who say: “I only do something when I know what I want.” And then year in and year out they get stuck and become more and more dissatisfied and think there is no solution for you.
But there is and it simply means DOING. We can only learn new things if we take action, Discover new things, find out what we like and what we don't and ultimately live happily.
11. Compare with others
Susi earns five figures a month as a management consultant, while you are still messing around with your starting salary? And Jens just bought a fancy new car while you still drive to work in your old Fiat?
Of course you feel bad.
You question all of your life decisions that have led you to this stupid Fiat and you are annoyed why you can't manage your life better.
How do you want to live happily when you keep staring at what others have or how others live? There will always be someone who is taller, more beautiful, leaner, more successful, better known or richer - you are.
But, you know what?
What Susi and Jens do has no meaning at all in your life. It is her life. If you want the same thing that they have, you have to put in the same stake that they bring. If you are not ready to do this, leave it and be satisfied with what you have.
Look at your strengths and what you have already achieved. That's all that counts.
"Oh, what's the world so bad", "what's so difficult for me" and "what are the others mean to me" ....
There is really only one answer here: LOVE IT, CHANGE IT OR LEAVE IT.
That means, if you are dissatisfied with your job, quit. If you suffer in your partnership, change or leave it, if you feel uncomfortable in your body, start exercising and eat healthier, if politics bothers you, do some yourself if you can no longer bear factory farming , Get involved if you complain that there is still no cure for cancer, study medicine and look for such a cure yourself.
Instead of complaining that the world is so bad do something to change them. Even if the step is so small.
Do not leave the salvation of the world to other people. Be the change you want in this world.
13. Hoard useless items
There are things in our own home that we are really happy about. The nice souvenir photo or maybe the great mixer with which you can always make delicious banana milkshakes. And then there are about 205,820 other things just standing around.
Things that we don't use and that we don't need. Things that don't fit and things that we don't find beautiful.
They all deliver our apartments, get dusty, have to be maintained and annoy us much more than they are pleased.
Away with all that stuff.
If you want to live happily, you don't need as many objects as possible, you need the right objects (Or none).
Convince yourself of what a wonderfully liberating feeling it is to clean out and carry bags of stuff out of the apartment. You will be rewarded with more space, more air and more freedom. The beautiful things in your apartment are finally coming into their own and you will rediscover old treasures.
The best things in life aren't things anyway, so set yourself free.
14. Burden with feelings of guilt
We all make mistakes. We cannot always foresee all the consequences and sometimes we get carried away. We do things that we later regret.
And then we feel guilty.
We think we're bad people.
Just because we've done something bad doesn't mean we're bad. Our psychology is quite complex and we are not machines. In other words: There are many reasons why we do something. But that we have a depraved character is never the reason.
And of course we don't want it to happen again. But we don't have to feel guilty and bad forever for that. It is enough if we look at our mistake, think about what led to it and how we can do it differently in the future.
You can find out how you can overcome feelings of guilt here: Overcome feelings of guilt.
15. Focus on negatives
The news shows us how it is: A terrorist attack here, the refugee crisis there, the murder in the neighborhood, hunger in the world ...
The impression quickly arises that the world is a cruel and unjust place.
And for that we don't even have to look into the distant world. Now the aunt has also got diabetes, the parents' neighbor has lost his job, the girlfriend wants to break up and it has only been raining outside for days.
In short: everything is crap.
And yes, all of these things exist and they are bad.
But they're not the whole picture. They only make up a (small) part and the other part, the positive pole that we completely ignore.
Do you know that world peace researchers have found out that we have more peace in the world today than ever before in human history? So our world is becoming more and more peaceful. But of course you won't find out about that in the news. Because the news focuses on the negative.
And so do you when you think there is nothing good in your life.
The fact is: There are always positives and negatives in the world and around you. It is your decision what to look out for and what to focus more on.
Do you want to live happily? Then start paying attention to what is going well, what you can be thankful for and what is beautiful, subscribe to my newsletter and I guarantee that your world will be more colorful and your life will be happier.
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