Why am I fine when I'm alone?
Learn to be alone and discover your inner source of happiness
Nobody wants to be lonely. It can be so beautiful. And then when being lonely does not mean loneliness, but being alone.
Both words, loneliness and solitude, superficially describe the same situation. In reality they are exactly the opposite.
Loneliness says: I feel lonely. I need someone else to make me feel good.
Alone says: I am alone and feel very good. I don't need anyone else to be happy.
So the difference lies in the perspective from which you look at the situation.
Alone is your natural state. And it can be so fulfilling - if you are ready to let it be.
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Loneliness ≠ being alone
You come into this world alone, you live alone and you die alone. A very simple fact. And a natural one too. You are by nature alone. Nobody else can share your being. Inside you there is only you and no one else.
What sounds daunting to many at first is in reality absolutely wonderful. Because this fact means that you alone have the opportunity to become happy. You don't need anyone else to do this. You alone are enough - if you can deal with this loneliness properly.
Loneliness and being alone superficially describe the same situation. The difference lies in the attitude with which you view this situation. Once you say: I feel bad and lonely because nobody is there. And another time you say: I feel good and fulfilled, just with myself.
Loneliness comes from a negative state of mind. Alone through a positive state of mind.
In solitude you are constantly looking for the other. You are missing something. You are not with yourself and your thoughts are always with the other. Without the other you are unhappy. You are looking for your fulfillment outside of it. You beg for the other. He should make you happy.
Alone, on the other hand, is exactly the opposite of loneliness. It's absolutely fulfilling. You are happy and satisfied just from yourself. You don't need anyone else. You are no longer a beggar who needs the other. You have discovered your happiness in yourself. You are alone and you are enough for yourself.
Loneliness means addiction. Alone means total independence.
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No one can help you
Many people try to fill the hole they feel in themselves through the presence of other people. And it works. When the other is there, you feel good. The hole is temporarily closed. His presence fills us, we feel connected. But two minutes later, as soon as the person is gone, you have the same problem as before. And then usually worse.
The person has left the house and you don't know what to do next. What to do now Now that you're alone
One is afraid of being alone, although it can be the most beautiful thing.
The first two months in Denmark were a tough time for me. I was totally alone. I didn't know any sow there and no sow there knew me. I felt lonely As lonely as I had never felt before in my life.
I lived alone, I had no friends and I was a loner at university too. I think I spoke what felt like four sentences to other people for the entire first two months. It was hard. Really hard.
Over time, however, I noticed how I was less and less concerned about being alone. Get up alone, go through the day alone, go to bed alone. No problem. It seemed as if my insides had come to terms with the situation and were now leveling off on a new level.
At a level where external contacts were nice, but not absolutely necessary to make me feel good.
During this time I developed away from the feeling of loneliness towards the feeling of independent freedom. I was enough of myself. I didn't need anyone else anymore. It was nice when other people were there, but they weren't absolutely necessary anymore for me to feel good.
I've learned to enjoy my own company. And somehow only a few people can do that. Most need external stimulation. You need the other to be happy. "If he or she isn't there, I'm not fine."
That this way of life is unhealthy and stressful, I don't need to go into any further detail.
From dependent loneliness to independent solitude
What can you do now to transform this felt loneliness into a strengthening feeling of solitude and independence?
The first thing to do is accept the facts.
Inside you are only you, only you alone. No one else can help you become happy. Only you can do that yourself. Accept this fact. Only when you accept this can you slowly begin to draw your happiness from within yourself instead of shimmy from one external stimulation to the next.
Loneliness comes when you run away from being alone instead of accepting it. If you do not accept this natural state, then you will always feel lonely. Because you will always look for the other one who makes you happy.
So make yourself aware of this fact again and again: Being alone is your natural state and only you can make yourself happy, no one else.
Don't run away from yourself. Stand still, close your eyes and feel inside yourself. Become aware. Become aware of yourself. Then ask yourself: right now, do I need anything or anyone but myself to be happy? Keep asking yourself that and relax as you go.
My recommendation to practice these situations is very simple. Spend some time with yourself every day. And only with yourself. Go inside Feel this feeling of being alone. Feel the independence that comes with this feeling.
And then keep asking yourself: am I missing something at this moment? Am I not happy and content, alone as I am here, without someone else?
In the end, you will find that you don't need anyone else. You are enough for yourself.
Practice being alone. Every day, a little bit. Go inside and connect with yourself.
Slowly but surely you will tap into your own internal source of happiness. And once you've done that, you'll never need anyone else to feel good about yourself again.
That is the ultimate freedom.
PS: Tried and tested everyday tips and methods to build a solid inner core, to find happiness in YOU and thereby become independent from all other people and situations, here, in the self-confidence strengths manual. Read, apply, implement and feel good!
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