When are you heartbroken

What to keep in mind when dating someone who is broken hearted

“The world breaks everyone, and afterwards some are strong in the broken places.” - Ernest Hemingway

One would like to believe this quote. But what if these fractures not only become strong, but also harden and crust over time? What if a heart has just been broken too many times?

"Of course a heart can be broken too often, most people then withdraw and have lost trust in love and people," explains lovesickness coach Silvia Fauck. If you fall in love with someone like that, it won't be easy for you.

Emotional wall

You meet someone who may seem open at first, but only to a certain extent. At some point you suddenly find yourself in front of what feels like an emotional wall - for example, news comes less often, there is distance between you - and it supposedly doesn't go on. That could be because this person notices: Something is developing here that can become "dangerous". "These people no longer allow deep feelings and especially no relationship," says Silvia Fauck.

[Also on ze.tt: Why long-term singles are the perfect partners]

Strength and patience

You have met someone who is cautious to suspicious. Because after all the negative experiences he * she just has to protect his * her heart in order to ensure his own emotional survival. You have to earn this person's trust and prove that a relationship with you is worthwhile - it costs time and nerves.

No time for games

You meet someone who is now more pragmatic, perhaps even cynical when it comes to love, and no longer believes in idealized, romantically overloaded concepts such as “soulmate” and “forever and ever”. You may have very different ideas about happiness, relationships, and love. Above all, these people have no desire or time for games and are straightforward without frills. They say what they (don't) want. You have to be able to endure that.

[Also on ze.tt: Why I'm so crazy when I fall in love]

Actions instead of words

You get involved with someone who has an extremely finely tuned bullshit sensor and smells every whim ten meters against the wind. Heartbroken people have lived enough to know who or what is good for them. That means: Without honesty you won't get any further here. And nice words are not enough, only actions count here.

Bad experiences

You are about to fall in love with someone who is sensitive to sensitive and who reacts less calmly to changes. Because bad experiences unfortunately have a lasting impact and people understandably want to avoid pain. Maybe this means that at the beginning of your relationship you have to endure arguments about supposed nothingnesses whose roots lie in past relationships. Yes, that's not fair - but the multiple lovesickness wasn't that either.

[Also on ze.tt: 17 signs that you'd better stay single]

Independence is sacred

You have someone by your side who has learned how to get along excellently on your own and who is not dependent on you. For you this means: You have to give this person freedom and you can by no means take him * her for granted. As soon as that person realizes that you are seriously not doing them well, they will move on without you and be happy.

Conclusion: For an intimate relationship with an injured person you need a lot of patience and strength and you should approach everything calmly. This is what Silvia Fauck also says: "You can only conquer people who are so severely disappointed with a lot of patience and gain their trust, one step at a time."

But it's worth it. Because once you get over the thick, high wall, you have a partner for life.