Do you play chess or checkers

Chess jokes

"I owe the most beautiful hours of my life to chess", Mrs. Müller confesses to a friend.
"Why?" asks the friend in astonishment. "Do you play chess often?"
"Not me, but my husband."
"My father was very happy to find out that you are a chess player."
"Yes, when my last suitor proposed to me and my father wanted to promote him out, it turned out that he was a boxer!"
"Grandpa, how long have you been playing chess?" Asks little Hans.
"For 39 years."
"And how much longer do you have to?"
"Chess isn't everything in life! Do you at least know who said that, young man?"
"No, but one thing is certain: it must have been a loser."
A woman enters a bookstore.
"I would like a chess book, please"
"A surprise for your husband?"
"Yes, of course, because he actually wanted a new car!"
Hans says: "It's your turn"
Then Otto: "Well ... think about it ... checkmate !!"
Hans: "Checkmate ?! You can't checkmate me!"
Otto: "Aha! The gentleman doesn't like to lose, does he? And why can't I checkmate you? Hey? Karpov mated Korchnoi! Kasparov mated Karpov! And why can't I checkmate you? Why? Huh? Just tell me one reason! "
Hans: "Because we're playing Monopoly!"
An ex-member takes stock:
"My membership was good for the chess club. When I came you were in a bad mood and when I left you were in a good mood again."
"My cocker spaniel plays chess with me."
"But he has to be very clever!"
"Not that special. I've won most of the games so far!"

Two friends meet:
"My husband beats me every night!"
"That's terrible! You have to part with him immediately!"
"Do you think he'll stop playing chess then?"

One chess player received the award for the best game in the tournament and posted a telegram home proudly announcing that he had won the beauty award. The girl at the counter looked at him in astonishment and said when he went to her colleague:
"I want to know what the others looked like in the first place!"
"Do you have a book on how to become a grandmaster quickly?"
"Hmmm ... take a look around the science fiction section!"
Teammate Bauer plays against a guest at the club evening.
"You, sir," says the stranger, "you are sitting on my glasses."
"So what?" Replies Bauer. "Do you want to go now?"
Two chess players unexpectedly met again one day in a hospital as bed neighbors and it was only possible to play a game of blind chess. And one of them suddenly said:
"Lady Berta beats farmer Gustav!"
And the student nurse who was standing by was very frightened and said the patient was in feverish fantasies,
"Oh, the farmer Gustav won't put up with it."
In a tournament game, a player made a very strong-looking attack move. His opponent studied the position for a long time and then said: "Seems to be mated soon."
"Yes," he got in reply, "matt in two moves."
"Why didn't you announce it?"
"Because I didn't see it."