Has life ever felt meaningless to you?
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Almost every mourner asks himself some questions at some point after the loss. Because the answers are as different as the people who ask the questions, there is no “expert assessment”. Instead, those who know best have their say: those affected with a little more distance.
The question: How long will it take to get better? And will it ever get any better?
“At first I couldn't imagine that it would ever be easier at all. The grief has invaded every fiber of my life and my body in such an absolute way that I thought it would remain in this brutality forever. In the first session, my therapist asked me when I would be ready to give up grief. I was totally irritated and thought: Immediately, the grief feels terrible, I don't want that. But then something in me contradicted it. I noticed: Yes, it will take mourning and it will continue for a while. “In half a year it should be less,” I said to my therapist. “And after a year it can almost disappear. But only almost. ”It wasn't that easy. It wasn't a continuous decrease, but an ups and downs. I only saw in retrospect that the overall trend was downward. After a year, the pain was a lot more controllable and no longer quite as ubiquitous. After a year and a half, there was room for a new friend by my side. After two years my life felt halfway normal again and no longer like a permanent state of emergency. The grief is not gone now either. But she became a quieter, more familiar companion. She can stay that way. " Anna, 30, her boyfriend died five years ago
"At the beginning you just try to cope with the new situation somehow and to cope with everyday life. Only after about three months did I really start to realize what this loss means for me and my future. This phase was for me the point in time when I began to deal intensively with my grief, trying to find a new meaning, a new perspective for my own life and to find a way like I did with my mother when she wasn't Lives more, can be closer. This time was the most difficult for me and only after about 1.5 years did I slowly begin to participate more actively again and redefine the relationship with my deceased mother. But I believe that this phase is essential can be longer if you don't accept and process your feelings of sadness. " Ramona, 27, her mother died 3 years ago
“In the first few weeks I didn't understand anything. I couldn't see my wife after she died. Because her body was so badly injured after the accident, I was advised against saying goodbye. I missed this step and that's why it took me half a year to even understand that she won't come back. Until the first day of my death, I worked a lot and dated friends to distract myself. After that it got easier. But of course I still have phases today when I'm not doing so well. Fortunately, over time you learn that they will pass again. " Christopher, 38, his wife died 2 ½ years ago
“I went through the first year like in a fog. Timeless, spaceless, meaningless. The awakening came just before the anniversary and brought not only insane exhaustion but also infinitely deep pain. He swallowed me more and more. The low point was only reached after one and a half to two years. For so long I only dragged myself from day to day and tried to only endure the next week. At some point a first spark of zest for life came back, it kindled a small fire that has spread more and more. In between, the mourning poured buckets of tears over it again, but it could never be extinguished. After about three years I enjoyed living again and regained something like everyday life. Unfortunately, not many people around me had the patience to hold out for so long. It was signaled to me from all sides that it had to be good again at last. Fortunately, everyone in the mourning group understood, even though I often had the feeling that I was “the slowest” and did extra laps. Today I know that everyone has their own pace and that nobody can choose how to go through the grief. You can only trust yourself. The soul already knows what and how much time it needs. " Renate, 52, her husband died 11 years ago
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