Why can't a man abuse a woman

Childhood Sexual Abuse

Question: After several years of abuse in my childhood by a man, I was afraid that I would mean something to a woman. After a long disgrace, I got to know a partner - we got married and had two children. After the birth of the second daughter and after four deaths in the family within a short period of time, my wife suddenly changed a lot. After seven years of community, she suddenly went out a lot and had other partners too. I forgave her the first "affair", not the next. I didn't know where to get the money and spend the time on work and the kids. In a discussion my wife told me that it would no longer work in bed, whereupon I told her about the abuse. Some time later I found out from friends at the time that my wife was spreading the word that I was gay and that there was therefore no future for her with me. I then filed for divorce. I've been divorced for five years now and I'm still alone. I am afraid of looking for a new partner because I am afraid of failing again.

Answer: Sexual abuse has unfortunately only been a topic of public discussion in recent years. Since the taboo was broken, those affected have found more help. You have had more courage to open up and come out. Unfortunately, the understanding and the kindness of fellow human beings are sometimes dignified and thoughtless. Sometimes it seems like a punishment to have spoken up. Nonetheless, the most important thing that the sexually abused can do - open up and try to deal with what happened most of the time in childhood. You will never be able to forget it, but you can learn to live with the past.

In addition to an understanding environment, which unfortunately can also be lacking, a therapy that must be recommended to those affected can help. Seeking a psychotherapist no longer has a reputation for reprehensibility or failure. Seeking help is a step out of one's own "darkness" that absolutely needs support. At the same time, attempts should be made to "renew" the environment. New things, e.g. B. New hobbies and sports can help to find new contacts - and maybe a new partner is there too! In the case of severe emotional injuries, it is important to let therapy and activities run in parallel. Above all, courage and patience are required, because unfortunately change takes place very slowly, and impatience can quickly steal energy and strength.

Counseling centers for sexual abuse
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Dr. Britta B├╝rger, specialist in gynecology and obstetrics

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